Software helps parents teach behavior

By: JESSICA MUSICAR - For the North County Times | Saturday, January 8, 2005 8:36 PM PST ∞

In a war of wills, the cry and the whine can be powerful weapons for children who wish to make parents bend to their every whim. And when arguing and pleading win a new toy or privilege, one wonders who has the control in the family, the parent or the child.

One local software company, however, may have a defense against the powers of these young usurpers. Leland Ancier, the president and founder of Encourage Software of Rancho Santa Fe, has created a program called EasyChild that uses positive reinforcement to give both parents and children what they want: good behavior and rewards.

"It allows kids to know exactly what they need to do to get what they want. It takes the inconsistency out of parenting," said Brandon Ancier, Ancier's 18-year-old son, who used the system through much of his teen years.

The idea behind the program is to teach children that positive behaviors such as making their beds, feeding their pets, or scoring well on a test are better methods for getting what they want, and their parents are actually happy to reward them, Leland Ancier said.

"The most important thing is to change children's strategy of arguing to get what they want," Ancier said. "What arguing does is, it kind of gives the child the idea that they are in control; kids think everything is entitled to them."

The EasyChild program addresses three types of behavior: expected behavior ---- actions and tasks that are expected to be completed or exhibited; extra behavior ---- conduct that a parent wants to encourage; and other behaviors ---- negative behavior, such as arguing, that should be discouraged.

The program is carried out both on a computer and on paper. Each week, parents print out a point sheet and privilege-level chart. The point sheet allows them to track their children's behavior for the week and to see whether they deserve a privilege. Each bit of behavior, positive or negative, is assigned a point value based on its importance, Ancier said. Negative behavior gets negative points that are subtracted from the child's net points and affect the size of rewards. Privileges and point values are determined by the entire family to ensure fairness, Ancier said. Rewards can include anything from a sleepover with friends to a trip to the zoo.

The final tally determines privileges for the following week. The information from the point sheet is also entered into a computer to track long-term behavior to see whether it is getting better or worse. For other versions of the program, the software can compute an allowance based on the points earned, Ancier said.

Through the system, children who behave badly essentially punish themselves because they will not be able to enjoy privileges they might normally have had.

Ancier said this way, the program can help parent-child relationships because it cuts down on arguing and parents can spend more quality time with their children rather than punishing them. Ancier said it takes families about three weeks to get used to the system.

"When kids see that arguing doesn't get them anywhere, they will look to the weekly point sheet to get rewards," he said. "It's kind of like a game; the kids really enjoy being on it."

Encourage Software, which made its mass market debut at the Consumer Electronics Show last week in Las Vegas, offers three versions ---- basics, standard and deluxe.

Frederic Becker, a parenting expert and the director of the Becker Institute, a Carlsbad-based company that offers workshops to improve parenting skills, said that while EasyChild is no substitute for good parenting, it is a valuable tool that families can use to instill structure where it may be lacking.

Becker said his workshops teach parents two aspects of parenting ---- parenting management, meaning that a parent sets up a structured and consistent household where children understand what they can and cannot do; and leadership, so that children can learn by and follow parental example.

He said that EasyChild helps set up the first of these concepts.

"We live in a more complex society and it is harder for everyone to juggle," Becker said. "That's why structure and simplicity of parenting style are so important."

He said a program like EasyChild, used regularly and correctly, helps set up a consistent structure so children know how to behave and are aware of the outcome: "Instead of parents running their lives, it gives kids a framework to run their own lives. The child feels empowered, significant and in control."

Becker added that EasyChild also gives children the opportunity to develop three key perceptions of themselves --- I can do that, I am significant, and I have influence. He said children and adults who don't have an awareness of their self-worth often become depressed or develop other emotional and social problems.

While parents can set up a similar yet simplified system themselves by writing out forms of behavior and consequences and consistently enforcing them, Becker said EasyChild may be better at tracking behavior over time.

Basics, the simplest version of EasyChild, retails at $30, while the Standard, which costs $59.95, offers a money feature to teach children how to manage their allowance. The Deluxe version is designed with teens in mind and addresses more serious issues such as stealing or vandalism. It costs $99.95.

Encourage is working toward producing a similar product for schools that will be released in February, Ancier said. It will be able to link to EasyChild programs in the home. All versions can be purchased online at www.encouragesoftware.com.

Besides teaching children a good work ethic, Ancier said it also improves self-esteem because they often feel proud of what they have earned. Children who never learn that arguing won't get them anywhere in the real world may have problems when they finally grow up, he added.

"It's going to be a serious issue when they hit the work force if things don't change," Ancier said.

Tim Ney of La Mesa said he began using the program with his 10-year-old son, Elias, more than 10 months ago.By focusing on behavior that he wanted his son to change or exhibit, such as feeding his fish more regularly and turning off extra lights, Ney said his child has become more conscious of his actions.

"Instead of yelling at your child, you can give them an incentive for staying on task or doing their chores," Ney said.

As certain behaviors improve, Ney said, he increases the emphasis on others to encourage his son in different ways. Rewards include renting a movie, a trip to SeaWorld, or going to a sporting event.

Last month, Ney said he took Elias and four buddies to a hockey game as a reward for doing well in school.

"(It) enables parents to take a positive approach as opposed to punishing them," Ney said. "Not only is it creating a structure for the child, it also creates a structure for a parent ---- it's accountability on both sides."

Ancier, who ran a software company in the early 1990s before starting Encourage, said he made up a simplified version of EasyChild in 2000 to help control his son, who had attention deficit disorder. With EasyChild, the Anciers worked together and developed a better respect for each other, while Brandon learned to be more responsible.

"I think that having the system helped me to understand work and reward," Brandon Ancier said. "I was a kid who was extremely impulsive, was expelled from schools and sent to residential treatment centers, and now I'm a kid who is on an honor roll at one of the top three prep schools in the world."

Soon Ancier realized that other families could benefit from the system and decided to start up Encourage in 2002 to make EasyChild into a software program.

Ancier said the company is selling EasyChild across the country, in Canada and in the United Kingdom.

"I am just really thrilled that it's helping a lot of kids," Ancier said. "This is not like a word processor or something; it's really affecting people's lives."

Jessica Musicar is a freelance writer. Contact her at Gwyllion@aol.com.

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