What really keeps us working hard

By: LOUISE ESOLA - Staff Writer | Saturday, October 29, 2005 12:08 AM PDT ∞

An anonymous person once said that the human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime TV.

To some, the question is much like, "Spam or filet mignon? ... Jell-O or crËme brulee?"

Many would say they would take a day in front of the TV ---- a lazy coma induced by a comfortable couch and remote control ---- over a day at the office.

But, as the wise one said, it is a cruel selection.

For this, my friend, is really a choice between runaway faxes and Animal Planet's yoga for dogs. It's a choice between frequent memorandums from your supervisor and talk shows that strongly urge: "You're 13 years old! Stop trying to have a baby!"

Hmmmm? A lengthy meeting in a chilly conference room or soap operas where the women always roll out of bed in flawless mascara and sticky lip gloss?

Doom, doom and doom? The Price is Right, ladies and gentlemen.

I never, ever thought I would say this: I can't wait to go to work on Monday.

This week I was put out of commission because of a surgical procedure that forced me to stay home for five days.

As an aside, I must say this surgery had nothing to do with plastic.

(I feel I must make this declaration because anyone ---- colleagues perhaps, neighbors, and the maintenance worker in my building ---- who hears about a health-conscious, 27-year-old living in Southern California having surgery, automatically assumes that she is undergoing the same sort of physical mutation that made Michael Jackson look like Barbie crafted out of wax and eliminated Pamela Anderson's need for a life jacket.)

Sure, I knew I would be confined to my home for several days and hit the local book store last weekend to grab a good read.

But, under the trance of post-surgery pain-killers, I found that, even after several pages, I had no idea what I was reading. The words were like alphabet soup poisoned with sleep serum.

Had I been reading "Three Little Pigs," I wouldn't have gotten past the house made of straw, which, in my stupor, would have been made out of lollipops and licorice.

Kids, this is another reason why drugs are bad for you.

So there I was, listless on the couch with a remote control and a TV Guide ---- which, when it comes to daytime television, is like a Burger King menu for one who doesn't eat meat.

I'll admit I do not subscribe to fancy movie channels because, on most occasions, I rarely watch television. That said, between the Home Shopping Network selling items nobody ever needs and MTV presenting the dramatic misfortunes of Orange County teens driving BMWs, it was slim pickings.

If I were a drafter of conspiracy theories, I would say that the poor daytime television selection is an intentional ploy that serves to fuel the economy and keep Americans on the job.

If our Constitution did not forbid cruel and unusual punishments, we could force parole violators to watch back-to-back reruns of Saved by the Bell and the Golden Girls.

Maybe it's the drugs, but I can't think of anything worse than a show about the trials of a 65-year-old junk dealer and his son Lamont ---- aka Sanford and Son.

Frankly, I probably wasn't expected to turn in a column this week, but, fortunately, my home computer has a very reliable spell check. And, truthfully, I needed a break from the tube.

This space in the paper could have read something like: "Louise Esola is on vacation. Her column will return next week."

We have daytime TV to thank. Like work, it keeps the human race going and going.

Staff writer Louise Esola covers Oceanside schools. She can be reached at lesola@nctimes.com.