Bereavement quilt helps children heal

By: ALEXANDRA DELUCA - For the North County Times | Saturday, November 26, 2005 10:45 PM PST ∞

Bette Pittenger, bereavement supervisor for Tri-City Hospice, with the rememberance quilt made by local children in honor of loved one that have died of various causes. The quilt was made through the Children`s Heart to Heart Bereavement Program at Tri-City Hospice.
J. Kat Woronowicz/For the North County Times
Order a copy of this photo
Visit our Photo Gallery

---

OCEANSIDE ---- Inside Tri-City Hospice, a rainbow colored quilt adorned with dozens of hearts hangs on the wall. Decorated with glitter, paint, and drawings of butterflies, rainbows, flowers and stick figures, the quilt looks like a typical elementary school art project ---- until you read the poignant messages.

"I miss my mom buying me Chinese food," reads a heart with a picture of a purple angel with pink wings created by Mike, age 8.

"Grandma Barbara and Uncle Gary were the best I ever had, so if I cry, I hope you understand," says a multicolored heart decorated by a 9-year-old girl named Kimberly.

"I miss my Daddy, I wish we could be swimming right now," reads a heart with a picture of two people swimming in blue waves made by Megan, 7 1/2.

The quilt was created by about 20 families from Tri-City Hospice's Heart to Heart Children's Bereavement Program, a weekly art therapy group for children and their families who have lost a loved one.

"Kids can't really verbalize their grief," said hospice art therapist Jefrie Edwards. "Art adds another dimension to the healing. Art is like the vehicle to let loose some of that pain."

Edwards visits schools throughout the Carlsbad, Oceanside and Vista ---- the so-called Tri-City cities ---- and conducts weekly art therapy sessions with groups of two to 15 children in the Heart to Heart program. The children do projects like making paper-mache butterflies, creating memento boxes or designing bookmarks in memory of their loved ones.

"The whole point is so you keep self-expression," said Edwards. "We just try to lighten it up so children have some kind of framework to work through their grief."

The idea for the heart quilt came from the heart memorials Edwards helps families create together ---- large felt hearts decorated with silk screen pictures, drawings and messages.

"I just didn't want to make a traditional quilt like grandma does," she said.

The instructions Edwards gave to the children to design their hearts were simple.

"I just asked them what was in their heart," she said.

The results, said Edwards, are very telling.

"I feel like it's a door to the subconscious," she said. "A picture is worth 1,000 words. You can tell the ones that are more adjusted because their pictures are more adjusted and positive."

One angry-looking heart, created by a 12-year-old named Carmen, is all red with stark black lettering that reads, "My grampa died at home. My uncle died in a gang on drugs."

In contrast, the heart below it, created by 6-year-old Jenefer, is decorated with pastel flowers. "My Mom loved me a lot and I was little when she went to heaven," it reads.

Edwards said the quilt has helped the children work through their grief in a way that talking could not accomplish.

"It's very cathartic for them," she said. "If you open up the right space, the wisdom will come out."

The quilt will be on display during the annual Tri-City Hospice Remembrance Service, which will be held at 1:30 p.m. next Sunday in the Tri-City Plaza Lobby, 4002 Vista Way in Oceanside. The service is designed to give families and the community a way to honor their loved ones.

"This is like the big finale," said Edwards. "We just want to heal all the little broken hearts."

For more information about the Tri-City Hospice Heart to Heart Children's Bereavement Program, call Edwards at (760) 940-5801, Ext. 9649.

First name only. Comments including last names, contact addresses, email addresses or phone numbers will be deleted. All comments are screened before they appear online, so please keep them brief. Comments reflect the views of those commenting and not necessarily those of the North County Times or its staff writers. Click here to view additional comment policies.

Name:

Email: (optional)

Comments:

Image Verification: