Invasion of the cookie sellers
By: LOUISE ESOLA - Staff Writer | ∞
A colleague chased me around the newsroom Friday with a cellophane-wrapped tube of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies and then left a box of them on the table for all to enjoy.
They're heeeeeeeeeeeeere.
Well, that's just great!
Just when our New Year's resolutions are starting to take shape, literally, and we are beginning to fit into the clothes we donned before tidings of jolly ol' St. Nicholas forced us to eat 12 pounds of holiday fruitcake in one sitting, the little pony-tailed girls in brown and green ---- like creepy little sharp-toothed trolls in a horror flick --- offer us the opportunity to support their organization, which I must add promotes wellness and healthy living for young women, by purchasing a dozen or so boxes of delicious, yet fattening and addictive, Girl Scout cookies.
And everybody ---- co-workers, friends and forgiving neighbors who leave their windows unlocked ---- buys in.
For the record, I have never actually paid for Girl Scout cookies because I try really hard not to purchase cookies that have a maximum shelf life of 15 minutes once they are in my possession. But padlocking my wallet in the presence of colorful boxes of Thin Mints, coconut Tagalongs and Peanut Butter whatchamacallits has not stopped me from indulging from time to time.
And no, I can't just eat one or two. I have to eat them all, and nothing can stop me once I get started on my first crispy, yet creamy, minty chocolate cookie. That is why I have to run away from them.
Not even the California penal code can deter me.
On Friday, as I watched that lone green box of Thin Mints on a table in my office, I recalled the day several years ago when I and a former roommate ---- who was also koo-koo for Girl Scout cookies ---- actually entered a neighbor's locked beach house when he was not home to unlawfully steal Girl Scout cookies.
Not normal, I know. Someone once commented that the only things missing from our two-bedroom flat were a straitjacket and a padded room, so, needless to say, we ladies were known around the 'hood for our shenanigans.
That's why it wasn't a good idea for the bachelor to announce to two roommates with Girl Scout cookie issues that he had just bought a few boxes from a booth outside the grocery store and that now he was going surfing with friends.
Regarding our stint as Girl Scout cookie bandits, the penal code would classify this as breaking and entering, or simply "B&E" when talking to cellmates. Luckily, the neighbor was a friend ---- a band of brothers Semper Fi chum ---- of my then-boyfriend and didn't phone police or press charges.
Donkey Kong, my now-husband who wishes to remain anonymous, is a smooth talker, you know.
"Semper Fidelis."
"Ooh-rah."
"At ease. Lock your windows next time."
"Roger that."
Sure, this was a lapse in judgment, and we should never have left the empty box of evidence just lying there. As you should know, I am not a huge fan of B&Es, especially when the windows are a little higher than 3 feet from the ground and are guarded by complicated, rusted-wire screens to keep the pests out.
Look, people, I know what you're thinking.
I will testify that my high school physics teacher used to allow students on test day to keep an index card of physics equations on our desks if, and only if, we gave him a box of Oreo cookies before he passed out the test booklets. Permissible crib sheets in exchange for cream-filled crispy chocolate wafers. A glass of milk bought a copy of last semester's final exam.
I'm kidding about the milk part. But the cookies, well, that's the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God, Your Honor.
So, you see, my behavior is a product of something I learned in high school physics: The velocity of fleeting willpower relative to the aversion of rules and regulations in the name of cookies.
And now I write this as the box of Thin Mints sits and waits, in my eyesight directly behind my monitor --- how cruel! --- right there on the table. Just sitting. Waiting.
When I go to the grocery store, the little girls are there outside, next to the carts and Coke machines. Sitting, waiting, with their tidings of "support the Girl ...." I close my eyes, plug up my ears with my hands, and run away in a fashion reminiscent of people fleeing in horror movies, the ones that feature little green and brown trolls taking over the earth.
Contact staff writer Louise Esola at lesola@nctimes.com.
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G.S. Leader wrote on Mar 4, 2006 8:27 AM:Please support our Girl Scouts. If you don't want a box for yourself purchase a box or two for our military troops. It is called OPERATION THIN MINT and boxes will be sent to our troops in Iraq. They appreciate it! The Girl Scouts appreciate it!
US Marine wrote on Mar 4, 2006 6:48 PM:send cigarettes, too!
rebuttal wrote on Mar 17, 2006 6:37 AM:I can't believe people did not think this was funny. Girl Scouts have no sense of humor. They are teaching girls how to be thin-skinned crybabies, like their leader who wrote a letter to the editor. Esola is funny.
Pam wrote on Mar 17, 2006 1:52 PM:Hey Rebuttal, this article was not funny. Girl Scouts are not "thin-skinned" crybabiesas you put it, or "sharp toothed trolls" as Escola put it. They do many things for the community and to be put down in this article was just plain WRONG!Supporting them would have been the better choice. I hope her editor thinks twice before she lets her write an article that is so demeaning to things young ladies and actually have it published.You can't even put a name to your post.
Parent of a G.S. wrote on Mar 17, 2006 2:03 PM:I too was offended by this article. It is great that "Rebuttal" has a sense of humor about this. Did "rebuttal" give any thought that maybe this article was hurtful and demeaning to these girls. These girls send THOUSANDS of boxes of cookies to our military troops each year, but I did not read ANYTHING about that in scola's article. If Escola wanted to do a story to support these girls she would have talked about the "good" that these girls do.
funny wrote on Mar 17, 2006 9:40 PM:some people have no sense of humor
GS are bad wrote on Mar 17, 2006 9:45 PM:that's where girls learn about sex
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