Coming out: Oct. 11 is national day for gays, lesbians to go public

By: GARY WARTH - Staff Writer | Saturday, October 7, 2006 4:53 PM PDT ∞

'I realized I needed to do some soul-searching,' recalls Nicole Kent of Oceanside, who eventually 'came out' as a lesbian. Here she is with her daughter Marleigh, 3 months.
BILL WECHTER Staff Photographer
Order a copy of this photo
Visit our Photo Gallery

Well into adulthood, Nicole Kent of Oceanside still struggled with her identity, still felt she was living a lie. Denying her true feelings to her friends, family and even herself, Kent at one point married a man, hoping to "fix" the conflicts she felt inside.

"I realized I needed to do some soul-searching," she said.

Eventually, Kent "came out" as a lesbian. Today, she and her partner are raising a 3-month-old daughter and, as facilitator of the support group Circle of Friends in Vista, she is counseling gay and lesbian youths who otherwise might feel isolated and confused.

"If you feel like you can't be yourself but don't want to be accepted for being someone you're not, many teenagers will simply withdraw into isolation, sharing very little with family and loved ones," according to the group's Web site.

That sense of isolation is a major reason why homosexual teens are five times more likely to commit suicide than other teenagers, the Web site states.

Yet not everybody is ready to be completely open about their sexuality, Kent said. Youths may fear that their parents will kick them out, and even adults may have reasons to stay "in the closet," she said.

Those who are thinking about it can find a sense of unity in National Coming Out Day on Oct. 11, when thousands of lesbians, gays, bisexual and transgendered people across the country each year open up to friends, family members or co-workers about their sexuality.

The event has been held yearly since Oct. 11, 1987, when the AIDS quilt was first unfurled in Washington, D.C., and a half million people marched on the capital in support of lesbian and gay rights. Each year on that day since, rallies, speeches, film showings and other events related to coming out are held in cities throughout the country.

Whether it's Wednesday or another day, the decision to come out is a very personal one that people must make themselves at the right time, Kent said.

"I could never say to someone, 'Oh, go ahead and come out; you'll feel so much better,'" she said.

Kent said she does encourage "closeted" people to join support groups where they feel safe to talk, and she reminds them that the many positives of coming out usually outweigh the negatives.

A special day


The San Diego Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center does not have any coming-out events specifically planned for Wednesday, but does have ongoing coming-out discussion groups, including one for women scheduled for 7:15 p.m. that day.

Locally, Pilgrim United Church of Christ in Carlsbad plans to hold its annual Coming Out Sunday today in anticipation of the Oct. 11 event.

Last year, Carlsbad residents Karen Normile and Lori Smith, partners for almost 10 years, came out to their fellow congregants at Pilgrim Church on that day.

"I knew the church was open and affirming, but never made a declaration," said Normile, 39, who has attended Pilgrim for seven years. "It wasn't something I hid from people, but it wasn't something I openly shared, either."

Normile and Smith did not know that day was Coming Out Sunday at the church. When the Rev. Madison Shockley invited anyone who wanted to come out to the front of the room, they looked at each other.

"Are you going up?" Normile asked Smith.

The two walked up together. Shockley handed Normile a microphone and asked whether she had something to say.

"It was overwhelming for me, and I started crying," she recalled. "I started speaking about how grateful I was to have this congregation and church. It ended up being a very moving experience, looking out in the congregation and seeing people I've known so many years. When I sat back down, a lot of people came up to me and said, 'I didn't know you were gay.'"

Since last year's Coming Out Sunday, Normile has joined the church's Open and Affirming Task Force and was the chairwoman of the committee that created a Pilgrim Church float for the Gay Pride Parade in San Diego.

"It changed my life, especially in the church," she said. "I was able to become more active in the church. It kind of lifted something off me."

A process with many steps


Coming Out Day is somewhat of a misnomer, since few people could actually come out to every person they know in a single day. More commonly, the person first tells a close friend or family member, then gradually tells more people when he or she feels comfortable.

"It's only been in the last six years that I came out to my family," Normile said. "My family out here knew, but my family back east didn't know. I came out to them, then came out to the people at my church."

Kent also said coming out is not a one-time event.

"As a gay or lesbian person in society, you're continually finding out how much you can come out," she said. "For most people, it's a gradual process. Even people who consider themselves very out, they deal with situations where they're not entirely open."

This year, the Human Rights Campaign, the nation's largest gay-rights organization, is promoting Coming Out Day with the Snapshot Project, where people post online photos of themselves holding signs that read "Ask Me" or "Talk About It."

The signs are intended to prompt conversations and can be downloaded from the group's Web site, http://www.hrcsnapshot.org, where the pictures are posted.

"The program is designed to give people an easy way to break the ice and speak to their friends and family," said Mark Shields, director of the Human Rights Campaign's Coming Out Project in Washington, D.C. "We've had hundreds of responses from people around the country who have submitted their photos. It includes celebrities and real people from every state."

The Human Rights Campaign Web site also has a section where people can read advice on coming out at work and to their friends and family.

A personal decision


People should not rush their decision, however. Steven White, facilitator for the North County chapter of Parents, Friends and Family of Lesbians and Gays, said coming out is a personal decision that must be made at the right time.

"It's really a very case-by-case thing," he said. "When we talk about coming out, it's never just a single action people take. It's a series. When do I come out at work? to my friends? To my family?"

Young people living with their parents face the threat of being rejected and possibly being thrown out, said White.

"I just advocate people really think it through very carefully, and if they're not sure, try to find when the time might be right, to not rush into anything," said White, a clinical psychologist who completed his dissertation on how parents adjust when a child comes out.

White said he knows a woman who had many gay friends, yet had a hard time accepting her own child as gay. The greatest concern he has heard from parents is not about morality, White said, but fear that their children may not be accepted by others or even be in danger.

"It's been said that when a child comes out of the closet, the parents go into it," he said. "It can take a while for parents to come to terms with this news. They need to be patient with themselves and with each other."

Lives changed


Normile thought she was safe coming out at work, but her boss reacted negatively and she eventually quit the job.

"It was very difficult for me to have that experience," she said. "I had worked in that job for five years and had the highest performance reviews. When that part of my personal life came out, it was not the same."

Despite the bad experience, Normile said her life is better for having come out. She is in the same line of work and is a manager in her new job.

"There was always a part of me that I was hiding," she said. "And now that's not the case. There's a certain level of comfort I have."

While people may struggle with coming out, it eventually changes lives for the better in most cases, White said.

"Research has found that the act of coming out is associated with positive mental-health benefits," he said. "People seem to feel better when they no longer need to hide a major part of their identity."

Once parents get over the initial shock, White said, many find they are closer to their child than they were before.

Hiding half


Normile said having a church to support her helped in becoming more open with people overall. "The friends I have who have been in the closet and come out have had a complete sense of relief and a sense of happiness in the lives," she said. "What's the point of hiding half of yourself?"

Shields said most people who come out have said it improves their lives.

"Coming out openly allows them to live much richer relationships with their friends, their families and their partners," he said. "It's hard to be honest in relationships when you feel you're lying about who you are."

Besides improving the life of the person who has come out, Shields said the honesty helps improves relationships overall between gays and straight people in society.

"It helps to build understanding among straight Americans as to who gay, lesbian, transgendered and bisexual people are," he said. "We're sons and daughters and friends and neighbors."

Normile's partner, Smith, 37, initially came out at 17 but has continued to come out in various ways during the past 20 years.

"I remember talking with a close friend in school," she said about the first time she told somebody. "She was very accepting. But I didn't really feel comfortable at that point, even with my family or anybody else. I trusted one person. For me, it's been a long process of allowing people to learn that about me, and I think I was trying to figure it out myself."

After eight years on her job, Smith finally came out to her boss two years ago.

"I was delightfully surprised with his reaction," she said. "He was really supportive. It went really well. With every person I've talked with, I've actually had a positive experience. If anything, I regret holding back for so long. If I could do it over again, I'd be open with many more people."

Smith said her mother struggled with the news at first, but since then has come to appreciate the relationship she has with Normile.

"My mom loves Karen, and I think that's the main thing for parents: to recognize that their children are in healthy relationships," she said. "It's not who you love, it's how you love. And if more people could have that courage to just come out and be themselves, it's going to allow them to have a more fulfilled life."

To learn more about Circle of Friends, visit http://ourcircle.org

Contact staff writer Gary Warth at (760) 740-5410 or gwarth@nctimes.com.

Next

More Stories

Tags:

Bookmark and Share

Ads by Yahoo!

Advertisement

Pre-Registration Comments[-]Go to Top

Larry wrote on Oct 8, 2006 11:34 AM:If I counseled hetrosexual teens and youths like this group is doing in the gay community about their choices, I'd be arrested as a pedafile. Why do they get the pass and be able to live this double standard forcing their preference on young teens??? The article fails to mention the obvious fact that over 40% of gays come from broken families and dysfunctional relationships. I'm not sure if that makes them the best parents. Do you??

from a non fundamentalist wrote on Oct 8, 2006 11:41 AM:One of the gay agendas seems to get as many teens as possible to come out of the closest to increase their ranks. Why are they confusing our children when there isn't any scientific proof that people are born gay? The article paints these women as being like Mother Theresa. However, I can't imagine how many children they hurt by forcing their preference on teens and children and confusing them even more.

Curtis wrote on Oct 8, 2006 3:12 PM:non fundamentalist seems to be the one with the agenda; our society is still hostile towards people who aren't straight so why would anyone want to come out if they weren't sure. Whether or not people are born with a specific sexual orientation is irrelevant; it is supposed to be a free country.

Curtis wrote on Oct 8, 2006 8:20 PM:Larry, I don't know where you get the 40% figure. Please cite the source for your figures. My experience with same gender parents is that they are great parents. Do you know any personally?

John wrote on Oct 9, 2006 6:06 AM:Firstly,im not Gay,im not liberal or even a Democrat,But folks what difference does this make anyhow. They certainly cant screw up the institution of marriage like us straight folks have.Any time a child has two parents,the child is better off.

Rocky wrote on Oct 9, 2006 8:24 AM:Unless you've been a gay teen, or perhaps the parent of a gay teen, you will never really know how important — and perhaps life saving — a support group can be in a world which can be so hostile to you.

Whose agenda? wrote on Oct 9, 2006 11:15 AM:Our society maintains a "presumption of straightness" and pushes the straight lifestyle on all children and teens whether they are straight or gay. This makes it very hard for the kid who knows they are different and can create mental health problems and also lead to marriages and happiness denied.

Sam wrote on Oct 9, 2006 11:21 AM:I don't find this story news worthy. Frankly I am sick of having this agenda pushed down my throat. I don't hate gay people and I personally find gay men very friendly and compassionate for the most part. Just because "coming out’ is a big deal to gay people does not mean it is news worthy for the rest of us. This article belongs in a “gay magazine” but not in a newspaper

Honestly wrote on Oct 9, 2006 4:59 PM:Why is this an issue? The Gay crowd is only 3-7% of the population? The only reason this topic is popular is becasue over 200 Gay Political Action Commitees have cash and control of the media and advertising falsely that they deserve civil rights. I don't see any hostility towards gays (except the rare event in san diego)in the last 3-5 years. Lets worry more about the war and our dirty politicians on both sides!!!

John wrote on Oct 9, 2006 5:04 PM:I'm not against gay people. I know many who are friends. However, this behavior has never been considered normal or natural by the courts or society throughout history. These are fine human beings but quit forcing it on me as okay. I agree with larry that many of these people are happy but underneath they come from broken families and dysfunctional parents...

Too poor Sam wrote on Oct 9, 2006 5:48 PM:Your comment just makes me wonder: why do you read the article and spend even more time commenting on it? Do you feel a compulsion to read everything you see online? Strange, but I've never seen gay people or their supporters speak of a 'gay agenda' ... it seems that's one of the buzzwords homophobic and/or religious fundamentalists seem to spout at every possible moment. Your statement 'I don't hate gay people' rings hollow when you use the homophobes language. Oh, and to Larry: it's spelled pedophile. Guess your spelling equals your talent of pulling statistics out of thin air. And I doubt you ever provided any counsel to troubled teens in your life.

Curtis wrote on Oct 9, 2006 7:06 PM:Sam, Hopefully someday 'the rest of us' will include people who aren't straight. Until then, I think coming out is newsworthy.

Resonse to poor Sam wrote on Oct 10, 2006 6:28 AM:It never shocks me to read the biased comments attacking ones character on the North County Times calling people names is certainly off base but never the less the North County Times biases supersede balance to slander. I am not either of the above but your certainly better get some serious counseling for this paranoia you have there. Shame on the North County Times for not screening the blogs for personal attacks and slander!

Sam wrote on Oct 10, 2006 6:30 AM:It may be news worthy in another setting and forum but certainly not in a newspaper!!

stop pushing wrote on Oct 10, 2006 6:34 AM:Ha! who ever wrote to poor Sam and Larry has some real issues and truly verify the fact that you are pushing you agenda on the rest of us. Certainly by attacking and not having respect for others opinions on the blog you have proved our point.

JD wrote on Oct 10, 2006 6:43 AM:The homosexuals want us to believe they are a beaten down under represented group that everyone hates and that all of us straight people want nothing better then to go out and bash them. The truth is, they are great at hyping up their stories to try and make us all feel guilty. This story is nonsense, the same as all of the hype over aids in this country. Aids, a preventable disease (don't do the act and don't get the disease) receives major federal funding for research over many tradional diseases that deserve more and if WE, the straight community, object we are homophobes! Baloney, homosexuals are not special and should not be treated as special! And this story is ridiculous!

Sue wrote on Oct 10, 2006 7:39 AM:I know many gay couples who are far better parents then some hetrosexual couples I know. I'd rather see a child raised by 2 loving parents (gay or straight)then 2 who beat and abuse them.

Peggy wrote on Oct 10, 2006 9:57 AM:I think the gay community needs to read the Bible. God created Adam and Eve not Pam and Susan or Jack and Tom.On coming out day. We need to get down on our Knees and Pray for these lost souls

Donald wrote on Oct 10, 2006 11:07 AM:I read in another part of the NC Times that a church in Carlsbad has gone so far as to have a "coming out service." What other sins can the liberal "church" celebrate - adultery? fornication?

nicole wrote on Oct 10, 2006 11:47 AM:As the woman represented in the article, I truly appreciate ALL of the comments and feedback that have been added. Each one has helped me to more fully understand the challenges faced by the young people I support. I am glad that the article has sparked some conversation so that all sides of this issue can have a voice. Keep writing.

Curtis wrote on Oct 10, 2006 2:05 PM:Peggy, thank you for praying for my soul. I feel better already!

To Nicole wrote on Oct 10, 2006 4:43 PM:I am the sister of a young man who is gay. For those of you who want to know, I am 9yrs older, and knew my brother was gay long before he did, I knew it when he was about 2, so I firmly believe he was born gay, 2 yr olds just don't make that "choice". He has been "out" for about 10 yrs I would guess. The ONLY problem that I have with my brother is that over time, his circle of friends has changed to being almost all gay. When we go out now, it is always to a predominatly gay establishment (bar or restaraunt), I miss just going to a regular place with him, and hanging out with a mixture of people. Some of these places are just a bit too much for me. Why has this changed? I am always concerned that he will think I am not accepting of him if I say "Let's just do Denny's" Where is the middle ground?

quinnie wrote on Oct 11, 2006 12:18 AM:i think it's time that escondido's GLBT community came out. I suspect we're 2nd only to Hillcrest in terms of numbers but its so hidden, how horrible! This town needs you, not the intolerant and those of flimsy faith like the "adam and steve" crowd

Tolerance is Beautiful wrote on Oct 11, 2006 1:32 AM:It really is a downer to see such a wonderful thing like "Coming Out Week" met with such hate and intolerance. Do I look at my friends and see them as gay? Absolutely not. I see them as wonderful human beings who contribute greatly to society and simply want to be who they are without being alienated by society (which in most cases they are). Unfortunately, people still want to find someone to hate no matter how much damage it does to society as a whole. History may have addressed homosexuality as a disease but it also denied women the right to vote and African-Americans the right to freedom. So my question for John is, Do you really want to go there? Life's too short for hate a bigotry and homophobes simply throw up the Bible to defend any of their narrow-minded viewpoints. Jesus would have preached tolerance and love, not hate and oppression.

To Tolerance wrote on Oct 11, 2006 10:05 AM:Tolerance, you are right, tolerance is great as long as the people you are supporting don't want to run you over with their beliefs! Read Nicole's posting above. In the past, 20+ years ago, being friends with gays was much easier because even though they were gay the men were not trying to be women and the women were not trying to be men! Now, that is what you get everywhere you look AND they are trying to sell their way of life to young men and women instead of supporting them to "come out" if they are gay! That is wrong! The whole I am a beaten down minority thing is wrong because I believe they are tolerated beyond what should be expected of the rest of us. And they expect / demand that we have that tolerance or we are homophodes! That is like calling people racist because they don't agree with illegal immigration and that is wrong also! So tolerance is great but so is the need for them to want to get along without being in our face at every opportunity!

Rag wrote on Oct 11, 2006 4:41 PM:So being gay is ok if you 'Don't ask don't tell'? Sorry but that's not tolerance. Tolerance is being able to listen and lend a hand to a gay person, a member of a religious minority, a homeless person, anybody in need, even though you don't approve of their lifestyle, habits or beliefs. Tolerance is not forcing people to conform to your wishes of a brave new world. Tolerance is accepting that everyone has his own life and respecting them for it. Why should a transgender person submit to a living hell by living out a life in a body that doesn't have the same gender as the mind and soul? And all this to conform to some image of men acting like men or women acting like women? Why should a male crossdresser be forced to wear 'studly' outfit? Does this hurt or infringe on someone elses freedom? And what's next, if the people aren't allowed to express their gender in public? Will we force people with disabilities to stay at home next, because their appearance or habits could offend someone or 'get in your face'? What's next??? To 'To Nicole': sadly I see the same thing, but it's a bit understandable with the climate of intolerance here. When gays get attacked verbally and physically for just being out in the streets as a couple, it's pretty obvious they will band together and frequent more tolerant locations. But, I would say, tell him about your wishes ... tolerance should go both ways after all and I don't think it will hurt him to go to Dennys once in a while :)

Seen It All: wrote on Oct 11, 2006 5:29 PM:In our society the straight life style is shoved in all of our faces every where. Look at the TV, the movies, the magazines, advertisements, newspapers and public behavior. I don't want to look at ladies butt cracks or cleavage and don't want to follow a couple with their hands slipped under the waist band of their partners pants, public tongue kissing and nudie shows advertised in neon lights visible from the highway. Your sex is everwhere, like noise polution. So please get your straight sex orientation out of my face. I don't want it. Believe me it does nothing for me! Cover up and rent a room.

nicole to 'to Nicole' wrote on Oct 11, 2006 7:01 PM:It sounds like your brother is going through a very normal stage of identity development. Many times, when people first come out, they surround themselves with the gay community for awhile. This provides them with support and acceptance that they have never felt. How wonderful it must be for him to be able to share the experience with an accepting sister! Invite him out to one of your favorite places and let him know it's important to you. I think he'll hear you. Good luck!

To Rag wrote on Oct 12, 2006 5:03 AM:My points concerning tolerance are that tolerance goes both ways. If a transgender person makes the switch then that is their business and good for them. Because I assume as you stated above the person required that change. I was speaking of the women who bind their breasts, cut their hair short and strut around like men! I was speaking of men who wear make up and embellish their movements and talk as if they are women! This is clearly unnecessary and causes the community as a whole to get a bad reputation! These things clearly send the wrong / distorted message to the rest of the world and it is these kinds of things that cause the public to become upset with the gay community!

What?!?! wrote on Oct 12, 2006 9:51 AM:This church that hosts this coming out day ~ Pilgrim United Church of Christ ~ did you offer deliverance to all of those who openly stated they were bound by this spirit of homosexuality and in need of the TRUTH! The Word of God says that we shall know the Truth and the Truth shall make us free ~ the Truth is Christ and if we truely embrace Him and His ways we will begin to recognize that a homosexual lifestyle is not His ways ~ this is not how God created us!

Goatskull wrote on Oct 12, 2006 11:10 AM:Who is this getting pushed on? No one forced anyone to read this article and then comment on it. Larry you were the first to post. Sam, who are you to decide this isn't newsworthy? No one forced you to read this article. If you're not a basball fan does that make the Padres un newsworthy? If you're not a surfer does that mean both the NCT and UT should not show wave conditions? ...

Rag wrote on Oct 12, 2006 1:09 PM:It always cracks me up when zealots blaspheme against God and his word in the bible by trying to force on us their belief about what Jesus Christ or God would consider 'His' ways. Jesus message in the bible is a message of love and acceptance of everyone, even every sinner. How dare they try to overlay their narrowminded view upon Gods word? How dare they state that a person being homosexual can be against Gods will? Nothing in the world can be created without His will. But maybe they don't believe in the Almighty at all...

anotherview wrote on Oct 13, 2006 1:03 AM:Two issues present themselves here: One, the viability of a homosexual relationship; and two, the family context for children and their proper development in a household with two homosexuals of the same gender. As to Number One, with my own eyes, I have recently seen middle-aged and older lesbian couples who sincerely devote themselves to one another with obvious mutual respect and concern. These couples comport themselves in a very civil way. I sense a genuine human relationship here. My opinion has changed from these observations. Thus, I now understand that society must tolerate if not accept lesbian relationships. As to Number Two, however, I look at the homosexual relationship from the view that children need a man and woman relating to one another as such to learn a proper human relationship. Hence, a child also must have a heterosexual parent of the opposite sex in the household. A child cannot have two fathers or two mothers in the same household, and still gain a normative outlook regarding how men and women relate to each other. Likely more important, a little girl needs a father, a man, to look up to and to guide her, as only a man may do. A father will shower his daughter with the loving attention and affection out of a psychic source containing elements of masculinity which every normal female child will sense intuitively as male and valid. She will relate to these elements via her developing femininity to sharpen her personal definition of her own gender. The same goes for a mother and her son. Two homosexuals of the same gender in a household cannot provide this vital and necessary child social development environment. Homosexuals, after all, suffer from a mental disorder in which they reject association with their own gender as their physical makeup would dictate. Homosexuality blurs the genders. Psychologically, a homosexual couple cannot present a normative example of either masculinity or femininity sufficient for proper child development.

I came out! wrote on Oct 13, 2006 1:45 AM:Ever since I was a little boy, I knew that I was attracted to females and only females. So, I've decided to come out of the closet and declare myself a lesbian. I feel as if an invisible weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I just want to tell the world that I love women! Seriously, we'd all be better off if we as a society were a little more tolerant towards our fellow humans. There is no victim here. It's not about recruitment to a different lifestyle. You're either gay or you're not. We're all just people trying to get through life with as little suffering as possible. Why demonize others that don't negatively impact us and are merely different than us? These people aren't monsters coming to eat your children in the night. Please don't use scripture in an attempt to judge others. "Judge not, lest ye be judged", or, "let ye who has not yet sinned cast the first stone". I studied the bible for years and could go on like this for hours, in reality religion is a non-issue here. Anyone can memorize and recite verses, it doesn't mean that you're standing on the moral high ground. My god spoke of love. We are all guilty of sin. Don't let hatred, fear, intolerence or religious fervor poison your heart. People that are quick to condemn others typically have something to hide themselves. Sorry, we're all flawed and we're all stuck here together for a short time

Fact wrote on Oct 13, 2006 7:43 AM:One thing the homosexual community may not realize is that their sexual orientatation is doomed to extinction unless they recruit new members. If no one was recruited it would eventually go away. God made us the way He did to insure that the human race would survive, so to say "Someone is born" homosexual is not an inteligent or logical statement. By the way, for those who like to use the word "homophobe", maybe they should conider that they might be "heterophobic".

Tip wrote on Oct 13, 2006 8:01 AM:Show me the GAY GENE please!

Tip wrote on Oct 13, 2006 8:04 AM:Show me the GAY GENE please! Identical twins same egg, one gay one straight. HOW did that happen? This gay lifestyle is out of control and most are sick of it.

So..... wrote on Oct 13, 2006 8:26 AM:If people want to be gay, then let them be gay! That's fine! It shouldn't effect us heterosexuals! Why worry about how others want to live. Worry about ourselves and our families. Even though I don't agree with homosexuality, it doesn't mean I wouldn't be friends with one or help one out when they are in need of help! They are someone's son/daughter,brother/sister, mom/dad, ect...

To Anotherview wrote on Oct 13, 2006 10:56 AM:So where does that leave the single parents who are raising children on their own because of a divorce or death of the spouse? According to you, my kids haven't had the opportunity to "...gain a normative outlook regarding how men and women relate to each other". Therefore, from what you are saying, I can't possibly present a "...normative example...sufficient for proper child development"? Families are made up of many different parenting circumstances. I don't believe that heterosexual couples would have a disproportionally better chance of raising "normal" children. The studies that I have seen support that. My daughters have uncles and grandfathers as well as cousins and family friends who are male and involved in their lives on a daily basis. While they are not in the household and not involved with me in a heterosexual adult relationship they are still present in my children's lives. With the divorce rate as high as it is and not everyone remarrying or re-entering a relationship after a divorce or death of a spouse it would seem that your ideal is absent in more than just homosexual households. Instead of holding the nuclear family example up as the holy grail of environments for mentally healthy children we should be acknowledging that families come in all shapes, sizes and circumstances. It takes a village as well as love and a good example of healthy relationships, regardless of their components, to raise well balanced children.

Rag to Fact wrote on Oct 13, 2006 1:18 PM:Then please explain to me the occurance of gay behavior in animal species. Since those lack the ability to choose (an ability that God gave to mankind only), they should all be nice and straight according to your theory. Fact is, they are not. Fact is that gay behavior is widespread in mammals. Since God created them all, are you trying to argue that He made a mistake there? A true believer would probably say that God will have done that for a purpose, which might very well be population control as some scientists rationally suggest, or even just to show the people who damn a gay person to hell that being gay is far from unnatural. And in his own infinite wisdom, God ensures that some people will indeed be created gay and some will not. No need for 'recruiting' people there, it's Gods choice, not mankinds. To Tip: not everything is in genetics. Read up on chaos theory to see one way a starting position as for example encoded in the genes can turn into widely different results.

To Rag wrote on Oct 14, 2006 9:43 AM:I find it amazing that many like you comment on God and the Bible when you know nothing about either. One of the reasons our culture is breaking down isn't becasue gay people exist, but becasue of faulty reasoning like yours comparing the sexual preference of animals to humans. If you can't reason this out, how can you be parent raising children? And if you aren't a parent, I pray that God gives you some insight before you do. Thanks to the NC Times for this forum....

quinnie wrote on Oct 14, 2006 11:39 AM:damn all these heterosexual wed couples producing and raising all these gay children!!!! if it weren't for these perverted heteros we wouldn't have to be subject to the gay agenda and gay recruiting of thier offspring. I saw Gays registering to vote the other day and wondered "what free country would allow these deviants to vote?"

Rag wrote on Oct 14, 2006 3:15 PM:Well yea your opinion obviously dominates all and is the salt of the earth, since you didn't try to provide any argument about why your perspective should be more valid then mine. Maybe because it's so hard to put irrational hatred into rational words? It's very common for demagogues to just state everyone else is wrong. Can you back it up?

Support like this... saved my life. wrote on Oct 15, 2006 7:56 PM:Im a nineteen year old woman and I am a lesbian.I have been a lesbian for 5 years, way before i joined this support group or even meet Nicole. My parents have been married 20 years and thank god I have both of them. I don't come from a dysfunctional family actually, far from it. But I am gay and I can't help who I love, it's not a choice. Why would any one choose to be hated and condemed? It's hard enough to deal with life as a teen without people hating you. If it wasn't for wonderful people like Nicole a lot of gay teens would have no where to turn and unfortunatly choose death over dealing with ignorant people who are scared of anything different then them. People like Nicole make safe enviornments where a group of friends (which is what we are) can talk about every day life and have a place to go and an alternative to drugs. A place to find out that you're not alone. Every Thursday is a relief from my week and I've made the best friends I've ever had at this group. People who like me for me. After group, we all hang out at each other's houses and just play card games and have so much fun. My dad is my hero and I consider him a true christian. He told me no one can judge me but god. Being gay does not make me an anti-Christ, I'm far from it, but it's hard to practice your religion in places you aren't accepted. No one can push being gay on you; if you're gay, you're gay. Just the same as if you're straight, you're straight. If being gay isn't a genetic issue how do you explain twins who are raised in the exact same way by the exact same parents and have the exact same religious up bringing, but one is gay and the other is straight? It cant be nurture over nature so what is it? How can you put down people you know nothing about? You all should be ashamed, I can't wait till our genetation has more say in the political aspect, so expect a change! I'm thankful our generation has become a lot more tolarent. History repeats itself, it was only in 1967 that the Supreme Court strook down all state laws banning interacial marriage, that wasn't that long ago. Why revert back to hating people about things beyond their control? I believe this article is news worthy especially since I've recently come to find out that one third of the country is for gay marriage. I came past this statistic in my Marriage and Families book, which is updated annually, so I know this this is a true fact, SO DONT HAVE STRONG OPINIONS ON SUBJECTS YOU DONT UNDERSTAND.

Fact to Rag wrote on Oct 16, 2006 9:18 AM:God created humans different than the animals. They don't reason, they just act. We, on the other hand were created in the image of God, meaning that we can differentiate between right and wrong. A true believer would not say that God made a mistake, a true believer would suggest you read Romans chapter 1. I challenge you to read it. I would write it here, but NCT would probably not post it because it is not "Politically Correct". And it is not "GAY", it is Homosexual. TO "Support"; because someone does not agree with you does not meen that they hate you. The hate comes from those who try to force their lifestyle on others who don't agree with it, and don't like what they hear in response. One last thing, you DID have a choice, and if you feel like you made the right one don't try to justify it, just live with it.

Allison wrote on Jun 22, 2007 8:08 AM:I still can't understand how ignorant people can spend hours posting on their opinions of hate against two people in love or someone attracted to someone different than themselves. Meanwhile, they continue to support a vicious war that kills their neighbors, children, and friends. Both gay and straight. It's like they want to support the "Freedom" of our country, but not of the humans who reside in it. I've been gay my whole life, and I didn't have some special "recruiter" tell me I was gay. I had a recruiter to convince me to join the US Army. I would say around 25-30% of the soldiers I met are homosexual. People need to open their hearts more.

Registered Comments[-]Go to Top

Advertisement

Videos