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Who would you rather play a round of golf with?
By: LOREN NELSON - Staff Writer | ∞
By: MICHAEL KLITZING - Staff Writer
JOHN DALY -- I can see Loren now at that country club, fighting the jitters as he stands over a 28-foot putt for quadruple bogey. Tiger Woods is rolling his eyes and checking his watch.
Right about then, John Daly will be ordering us another round from the municipal course's drink cart.
While Loren's small talk with Tiger nets him insights like, "I'm motivated by W's," John might just regale us with the story about the last time he woke up in a ditch.
Loren might get to see Tiger test out a Sumo driver. We may get to see John do doughnuts with his RV.
Playing a round of golf with Tiger Woods instead of John Daly is like going to the symphony instead of a rock concert. Both are worthwhile experiences, but if it's four hours of my life we're talking about, I'll take three chords ---- or three putts ---- and a rollicking good time.
Woods may be the greatest golfer of all time, and watching him in action is always a treat. Yet all we really know about the man is that he seems to be kinda funny in those TV commercials. The guy seems more of a corporate brand than a regular guy.
The rotund Daly, puffing on his cigarette, is about as regular as they come.
Granted, there's an undeniable dark side to Daly, as his well-documented history of legal, gambling and drinking woes can attest. But a few demons can't make someone a bad guy any more than a well-polished public relations image makes someone a good guy.
All I can say from personal experience is that Daly seems as genuine as they come. He answered reporters' questions with shocking frankness last year at the Buick Invitational ---- a day after unexpectedly learning his wife had been taken to jail. He shot a 69 that day, incidentally.
And when Daly's not being brutally open, he's an absolute hoot.
A couple of days ago, he had the gathered media contingent in stitches as he talked about how he's been trying to get Woods to adopt him for five years now.
Forget Tiger. I'll gladly adopt The Lion into my foursome on the par-3 pitch-and-putt. Here's hoping the fridge in the RV is fully stocked.
Maybe I'll send a cold one over to Loren. Lord knows he'll need something to soothe the nerves.
Contact staff writer Michael Klitzing at mklitzing@nctimes.com.
TIGER WOODS -- Take away his trophy wife, yacht the size of an aircraft carrier, $38 million island estate and otherworldly golf game, and Tiger Woods is just another Joe Sixpack eating canned ravioli and trying to break 90.
OK, who am I kidding? Tiger is to the common man what Lobster Thermador is to Tuna Helper.
I can only wonder what Tiger and I would talk about for four hours and 18 holes. The first image that comes to mind is those classic "Saturday Night Live" skits starring Chris Farley as the nervous, bumbling talk show host.
Me: Uh, Tiger. Remember that time when you won the Masters by, like, 20 shots?
Woods: Yeah.
Me: That was awesome!
After a long silence ---- because, really, what can you say as a follow up to that uncomfortable exchange? ---- I would try again.
Me: Uhmmmm, Tiger. Do remember that time when you were playing in the desert and you hit your ball behind that big boulder and you had no shot until a bunch of fans picked it up and moved it for you? The boulder, I mean.
Woods: Yeah.
Me: That was awesome!
After watching me play, I'm sure Tiger would have some questions, too.
Tiger: Where did you get that golf swing, Kmart?
Tiger: Is that your backswing or are you having a seizure? Should I call 911?
Tiger: Are you going to hit your shot, or is that your glacier imitation?
Tiger, I'm sure, is too polite to point out the many flaws in my game. Playing a round with him would reveal much about a man who has been careful to keep his personal life personal. Too much of what we know about Tiger comes from 20-minute media sessions devoted to questions such as the yardage he had on his second shot on 16.
Tiger: "I had 187 to the front of the green, 211 to the pin. There was a little wind, about 3 mph, in our face. I hit a three-quarter pitching wedge."
Yawn.
John Daly is anything but boring. A round of golf with him would be a hoot. But I'll let Ramblin' Mike have that honor. Because there's nothing left to be revealed about Daly we don't already know.
The guy is a country music song sprung to life.
Shoot, he's even written a little ditty about how all his ex's wear Rolexes.
So I'll take Tiger and, after our round, the champagne and lobster. Ramblin' Mike and Big John can hit the local Hooters for chicken wings and Busch Lights.
Did someone just say Hooters?
Is it too late to change my mind?
Contact sports editor Loren Nelson at (760) 740-3551 or lnelson@nctimes.com.
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charlierambler wrote on Jan 28, 2007 3:58 PM:Rather play with John Daley. Tiger won again today. Perfection is bloody boring.Now that the egalitarian Democrats are in charge,maybe we will get legislation restricting Woods to 5 or 6 tournaments per year. Give golf back to the people! Give some other poor blokes a chance!
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