A mother's grief: Rose Suarez del Solar says life has been 'hell' since son was killed in Iraq

By: MARK WALKER - Staff Writer | Wednesday, March 21, 2007 9:49 AM PDT ∞

ESCONDIDO -- Nearly four years after her son became the first North County resident killed in the Iraq war, Rosa Suarez del Solar is still wracked with pain.

Speaking publicly for the first time since the death of Lance Cpl. Jesus Suarez del Solar, she said she cannot shake the memory of the day the Camp Pendleton Marine was buried in Escondido's Oak Hill Memorial Park.

While the four-year anniversary of the war is a chronological marker spurring more debate over the continued U.S. occupation, for mothers such as Suarez del Solar, the milestone is a dark reminder of loved ones lost in battle.

"There is a desperation that you feel when they are burying your only son," she said, recounting his March 27, 2003, death, during a tear-filled interview last week at a park near the cemetery. "When a family loses a son, it is the mother who goes through hell."

Suarez del Solar carries not only a massive grief for her son, who at age 20 was the 52nd U.S. troop to die in Iraq when he perished one week after the U.S. invasion. She also harbors a monumental resentment toward her former husband, Fernando Suarez del Solar, who in the months after Jesus' death became a leading and internationally known opponent of the war, often appearing at rallies and leading marches.

Her rancor is based on what she contends are misleading statements her former husband has made about his relationship with Jesus, his account of the family's history of how it came to move from Tijuana to Escondido in 1997, and his use of Jesus as a vehicle for his message.

Speaking in her native Spanish throughout the interview, Suarez del Solar said that unlike her former husband, she said she has remained silent until now because of her sense of privacy.

"I guard my pain," she said. "I'm not screaming at the world that my son has died."

Fernando Suarez del Solar acknowledged Tuesday that he is not Jesus' biological father but said he raised him from infancy and was legally registered as his father. He has not gotten rich from his anti-war work, he said, adding he respects his former wife's opinions.

"But he was our son and I have the right to use his picture on posters and I am never going to stop speaking out against the war," he said.

'I promised her I would return'

Rosa Suarez del Solar now lives with one of her two daughters and works as a caretaker and house cleaner. Most days upon finishing her work, she visits her son's grave. The plot next to his is now hers, purchased so that no one but she can be buried next to him.

She wears his dog tags around her neck along with a heart-shaped pendant he gave her shortly before leaving for Iraq, mementos rarely removed. She freely admits she cannot let go of her pain, despite encouragement from friends and family to seek help and move beyond his death. There have been no Christmas or birthday celebrations since 2003.

Words attributed to Jesus by a fellow Marine who cradled him in his arms moments after he was injured were later told to his mother.

"Tell my mom I'm sorry," she recounted the Marine telling her. "I promised her I would return and now I won't."

A sister's memories

Jesus' older sister, Olivia Swaim, said this week that she remembers the pride her brother exuded when wearing his Marine uniform.

Now living in Palmdale with plans to relocate to Escondido with her husband and children to be closer to her mother, Swaim said his death "still doesn't seem real to me."

Jesus' widow, Sayne Suarez del Solar, and the couple's 5-year-old son, Erik, live in Texas, moving there shortly after he was killed, in part to escape media attention that swarmed around the family in 2003.

Swaim said her nephew sometimes asks about his father.

"He just knows his daddy is in heaven," she said. "He sometimes asks why the other little boys in his class have daddies and he doesn't."

With friends in the Marine Corps who deployed to Iraq last week, Swaim said she worries about their fate and questions why American troops remain in Iraq.

"I just don't see the point in it anymore," she said. "Every day you hear about another person dying and I think about the families. We're still going through it and no family can ever really recover from it."

'Waiting for you in heaven'

Rosa Suarez del Solar carries in her purse a laminated copy of a poem she said her son wrote and gave to a fellow Marine to give to her if he didn't make it home. The last line reads, "Never be afraid to die because I'll be waiting for you in heaven."

She supported her son's enlistment in the Marine Corps, she said, believing it was a solid career choice. Jesus talked to her about becoming a policeman, but she counseled against it.

"He wanted to do something to help people but I told him being a policeman is so dangerous. I know through a friend of his that held him in his arms before he died that he said 'I love being a Marine and if I return again I'd be a Marine.' "

On March 31, she will visit his grave once again. It will be another difficult day for a mother still enveloped in pain 48 months after losing a son in a war that shows no sign of waning.

"Sometimes, I just want to scratch at the earth and take him out," she said.

-- Staff writer Yvette Urrea contributed to this report. Contact staff writer Mark Walker at (760) 740-3529 or mlwalker@nctimes.com.

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Pre-Registration Comments[-]Go to Top

Samuel wrote on Mar 20, 2007 9:32 PM:I am sorry for your loss of a son. Your son's Valor will be Honored always by all Americans.

Thank you wrote on Mar 20, 2007 10:21 PM:for sharing the story of your loss. I respect you and wish this would have never happened. My heart goes out to your whole family.

Byrd wrote on Mar 21, 2007 5:02 AM:Your son did not give his life in vain. We are so grateful for his sacrifice. You must be very proud to have raised such a courageous young man.

The father is a coward! wrote on Mar 21, 2007 7:10 AM:The Mother honors her son! War happens and good people fight them and sometimes die! This US Soldier was a hero! ANyone who speaks against what he believed in, dishonors him and everything he took a stand for! The son is a braver man then his coward father! God Bless the United States!

BlessHer wrote on Mar 21, 2007 7:23 AM:Our hearts go out to you for your sons sacrifice on behalf of this nation. Your ex-husband, who is not the true father, is capitalizing on Jesus' death. Like Cindy Sheehan, who was divorced and did not raise her late USMC son, these two publicity seekers are ego-maniacs who crave the spotlight.

Mimi wrote on Mar 21, 2007 7:29 AM:We all miss our children and want them back no matter how they die. My sympathy and gratitude go out to you, (sympathy to you and gratitude to your son).

Ray wrote on Mar 21, 2007 7:43 AM:His father is not a coward for believing his son die in a pointless war, but he is still a hero and yes he was a proud Mexican immigrant!

Vista Patriot wrote on Mar 21, 2007 7:58 AM:God bless this heroic Marine who gave his life for his country, and his mother, who honors the memory of her son with dignity. These are the immigrants that all others should strive to emulate.

An honor to know your story wrote on Mar 21, 2007 8:58 AM:Señora Suarez Del Solar your son is a hero and I respect you and your family for the valor you have demonstrated during these trying times. I never met you or your son but I salute you both of you and all others who have served for our country. Every time I hear the thunders from Camp Pendleton, during their exercises, I tell friends and my family, “That is the sound of freedom.” You son is an example for many to follow. Thank you Suarez Señora Del Solar.

IRM wrote on Mar 21, 2007 9:24 AM:Everytime I see a picture of YOUR SON A HANDSOME YOUNG MARINE I can see in his eyes how proud he was to wear the uniform and serve our country. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughters. I thank your son and all those that have given their lives so that we may continue to live in freedom.

Martin E. wrote on Mar 21, 2007 10:33 AM:Thanks for the touching article on the suffering of the Suarez del Solar family. The tragedy describes in the NC Times article, how families are ripped apart internally and externally, and how the pain ripples through our society almost unnoticed. Now multiply that pain times 3200 American families (and 20,000 disable families) and 500,000 Iraqi families (yes, 1/2 a MILLION Iraqi families) and we can see the cost of a war and occupation for oil. Rosa is a noble and wonderful mother and full of pain for her son and humanity. So is Fernando who took his anguish, but instead of turning rage into revenge, turned it into a universal quest for world peace. Fernando lives in poverty, but spreads the riches of love and good will so that the pains of war and empire will end forever. Bless all the mothers and fathers who suffer and may the rest of us do as Mother Jones urged; Don't Mourn, Organize (for peace with justice).

Frida wrote on Mar 21, 2007 12:21 PM:Watch a touching story. I cried. My sincerest condolences go out to the entier Suarez family. Jesus was a hero and he felt he was doing the right thing. Times have changed, and we see that the war is not getting better, it's getting worse and claiming more unnecessary lives. I feel Fernando is not doing a dishonor to his son, he seems to love his son very much. I have a deep respect for parents who adopt or care for other people's biological children. Anyone can be a biological parent, but it's a real mother and father who raise and show love to their children. I wish all members of the Suarez family the best. The memory of Jesus and how his life ended will always see him as a hero and we thank him for all he did. Let's stop this war. No more killing, bring our children home.

bvv wrote on Mar 21, 2007 5:00 PM:Many thanks for this touching story. I respect the mother's dignity, which honors her son. I have two dear family members in the Marines, so I know of his pride in the Marines. There is no timetable for processing the loss of a child. I pray that she will find peace. Her son died for a higher purpose, no matter what those who oppose the war say. I hope that someone will take her down to Don Diego VFW to see the honor given to fallen Hispanic/Latino warriors.

to bvv and others who are pro war wrote on Mar 21, 2007 6:59 PM:what was the higher purpose that Mrs. Suarez del Solars wonderful son died for. I'm still not seeing this purpose you and your president speak of. I have nothing against the core or the military, but this war is not a good cause. It never was. I'm very sorry that ANYONE has died for this. I'm sorry for this family's pain and for the pain of so many others. This war is a shame that is based on lies and it needs to stop. I don't think you are doing any service to this family by continuing to perpetrate this fraud.

To to bvv at 6:59 wrote on Mar 21, 2007 8:24 PM:Your comments are insensitive. And it's Corps, not core...maybe not important to you and you wouldn't understand. And your use of the term pro war as a monikor for people with other viewpoints about the war is shallow and flippant. God's grace to Rosa Suarez del Solar and I honor the memory of her brave son.

to entry at 6:59 pm wrote on Mar 21, 2007 9:07 PM:Get over yourself! Talk to someone who lost a loved one on 9/11 - you are discusting

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