Of science and farflung real estate
By: JOHN VAN DOORN - staff writer | ∞
Some very important scientists announced last week the discovery of a planet quite outside "our" solar system that might be fit for habitation.
For reasons too tedious to go into, they have named it 581c. It seems that it is five times the size of Earth, that it may have water, its temperatures are "Earth-like," it has a little sun, and all in all it could be the place to be seen in 5,000 years or so. Might be able to do a little pioneer habitating.
Getting there would be the trick, but science has been up to lots of tricks over the centuries, hasn't it, and 120 trillion miles perhaps can be overcome; a trillion is not what it used to be.
Measured with the tools of the present, 581c is 20 light years away. A light year measures distance. Light travels at 186,000 miles a second. A light year is the distance light can travel in a year. Therefore, a light year is 5,865,696,000,000 miles, if you do the math.
All a person has to do is multiply that by 20, and that's how far 581c is from Earth. You get a fast enough ship or whatever they dream up, pack a solid lunch, and who knows?
Among other vehicular wonders, North County's Sprinter almost certainly does not figure into transportation that science might develop for the journey. Pity, too, because Sprinter is beautiful.
Nonetheless, there are local connections to this amazing discovery, and 581c presents some tempting possibilities.
The planet could be developed on the Australian model. It was into that faraway land that England sent its criminals, its destitute, its otherwise unsavory citizens. It emptied its jails and sent them on their way --- this was several hundred years ago --- and Australia was known for a long, long time as a penal colony, which it was.
This would be an efficient way to rid Earth not of its criminals but of its least admirable denizens: the uncivil, for example. The United States is chockful of the uncivil, and San Diego County seems to have more than its share.
You know them. They are the terminally angry. They bray insults night and day to anyone who disagrees with them. They practically spit as they speak. It's easy to get the uncivil to perform. Mention war, immigration, Clinton, immigration, education, patriotism, immigration, walls, abortion or immigration, you've got rage to deal with.
Put them on that ship, and there's a chance for peace on earth. This is known as addition by subtraction. It couldn't hurt.
The planet out there ---- it's in the constellation Libra ---- might also be the place for the permanently annoying to be shipped or beamed or however it's going to work. Candidates abound, but one could start with Sanjaya Malakar.
And how appropriate a journey for various members of assorted city councils in North County. To name names might not be fair; these journeys are a long way off.
There are a couple of councils, however, to consider for partial or complete deportation, which is widely known. Can you say Escondido and Oceanside? No governmental body in the known world can be more annoying, much of the time, but not all of the time, and not en masse, as these.
Nothing wrong with shipping the fringes out there, either, from right to left: Rush and Rosie, Rick and Sean. They annoy beyond one's powers to explain. Civilly.
President Bush, in this formulation, can stay, although he is annoying. But Cheney should go to 581c. You see the method: Take away Geppetto and Pinocchio stands forlorn.
All anchors and sports announcers should go, for obvious reasons.
It seems that every week a person could write that there is more graffiti than ever in North County. This week it's definite. Ship all graffiti scribblers to that place trillions of miles from here, and dare them to deface 581c. Almost no segment of American society is more annoying than this bunch.
Please save a seat in third class for the "designer" of those pants that boys wear now, the crotch of which drags on the ground while the underwear (and most of their brains) are visible from behind. While you're at it, maybe there's a compartment for those who wear baseball hats backwards.
Let's round up all the sanctimonious types who heard what Don Imus said and then wanted to stamp out rap music, plus hip-hop, neither of which can be defined.
Come to the think of it, the sanctimonious are far more annoying, as a class, than the objects of their sanctimony, so maybe they should go to 581c instead of the badly dressed and musically challenged.
Categories and lists of this sort can go on and on. Pretty soon, depend on it, nobody would be left.
Contact columnist John Van Doorn at (760) 739-6647 or jvandoorn@nctimes.com.
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John wrote on Apr 29, 2007 5:41 AM:Van Doorn should lead the first exploratory mission to 581c!
Walt wrote on Apr 29, 2007 6:59 AM:Sending Sprinter to 581c would be a net benefit to San Diego. Perhaps the 581c citizens would reimburse the $440 million it cost so we could expand SR-78.
Warner: wrote on Apr 30, 2007 5:32 AM: I am to busy with reality to bother with it;i.e., to busy assuring the quality of my state of being to worry any of my spots about 5000 years from now. At this late date in my life I try to think one or two years ahead; but alas, the medical profession keeps assaulting my defenses, and showing me a few new things or two. After a recent blood test my primary care doctor told me I was pre-diabetic. When I asked she told me that my glucose count was moving toward my being diabetic. So we took a look at it, and of course, my glucose count was in the danger range as she said. At home I looked at the results of my previous blood tests for the last seven years - I had been in the danger range three times. I called my doctor and asked about it. I was told that the pre-diabetic program had been in effect for just the last two years or so. What will they discover next amongst finding planets for us to go to 5000 years from now. Cut down on sugar and carbs. So there it is, along with watch the fat, stay away from cholesterol, eat the right amount of protein, carbs, and veggies. And don't forget one hour of exercising every day. Take my meds three times a day, and drink eight, 8oz glasses of water every day. Whee! What was the name of that planet we are going to see in 5000 years? Look out - what looks like an illegal just ran across my front lawn! Which planet was that? did you know that Hillary and Obomba were in town this week end and that a woman was shot in the head in our county? Did you say Pluto? I thought they took that one off the list of planets because it is to small.
Billy: wrote on Apr 30, 2007 2:03 PM: The tax payers of San Marcos will seldom, then only when necessary, visit those other towns. Why should we? We have everything we need right here. But when we do find it necessary, by the time we drive to the Sprinter stop and get on, we can be in the other town by using dear old 78 even with the congestion. Of course there might be a few that would rather have someone drive them to the Sprinter stop, get aboard and enjoy stop-and-go sprinter to work. How about day long parking? What about transportation at the other end? When using 78 we have $3.18 per gallon gas to contend with. Let us assume 20 miles per gallon. That would mean just about two gallon per day or a little over $6.00. It is really a trade off. Now factor in the freedom each Californian enjoys while alone in his auto, and that they hang on to it for dear life. So, it is easy to see that the Sprinter is for people without autos who hang on to their dollars for dear life. Four bucks a day, twenty dollars a week, eighty dollars a month and that is just for riding the Sprinter. Well, I guess it is better, to some, than hoofing it. ----------------------------------------------------------------
Roger wrote on May 1, 2007 7:57 PM:I originally thought that I would like Van Doorn to be the test astronaut for this exploratory mission. However, on second thought I decided that why should we contaminate another place with his insipid drivel. We will keep him here (as bad as that is) and take him up on his Australia scenario. We will send all thugs, gangbangers, dope dealers, murderers, rapists, PC police, PETA members, UN officials, career politicians and illegal aliens to 581c. Who knows, if they actually have to support themselves for a change maybe they will turn out as well as Australia.
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