With death near, Joel says 'celebrate'
By: KENT DAVY - Staff Writer | ∞
Our journey, that of my sweetheart and me, is near an end. She lies in a bed in our room, softly breathing, eyes closed but still listening to the sounds around her. Death has not quite claimed her. I sit alongside, our feet touching, as her spirit struggles to break away from a ravaged body.
My sweetheart is passing from this life to the next, and we're celebrating.
Not her impending death, of course, for that is cause for great sadness and many tears from all whose lives she has so deeply touched with fountains of joy. And we, who remain earthbound, must face more tomorrows without her.
But Joel, who is afflicted with a corrosive lung cancer and is at home with hospice care, made the catch phrase "Celebrate Life" her watchwords.
And we, who will not join her just yet in heavenly attire, have been rejoicing.
Celebrating life, her life, our lives, your lives. Celebrating all of the points where our paths touch and love and God courses through us and around us with great joy. It is a living wake for my petite Welsh girl.
Frank, who first introduced Joel and me some 27 years ago when she was a pretty young lieutenant and I was a sorry lawyer, traveled in from Louisiana last week and we told stories of cowboy bars and mountain meadows and friendships forged a million years ago.
A high school friend, Karen, flew down from Sacramento Saturday night and crawled into the bed beside Joel. They wiggled their toes and giggled over high school yearbook pictures from more than 35 years ago ---- a trilling of their voices reminded me of the laughter of the finches outside Joel's door.
Nurse Debbie, another of the high school chums and the one who has supplied the Education of Nurse Kent, traveled once again from Annapolis to soothe Joel's brow and offer sips of cooling water and hands of comfort and memories of double dating and wild trips to the beach.
Teresa came from Maine and she and I scoured the photo albums for pictures of my love. Two of those photographs jolted me into vivid memories of how my blood ran hot the first time I laid eyes on this brown-eyed, smiling beauty in an Air Force uniform.
Others dropped by with flowers, cards or simple greetings of love. Some sat quietly in a vigil. Others reminisced with my mother and father, who returned from their Nebraska home.
An extraordinary dozen women gathered at 2:20 Friday afternoon amid the bird feeders and flowers outside Joel's door and prayed and sang in praise of a wondrous creator and the glory of the universe and this particular one life. A visiting chaplain said she was touched by the event.
Throughout these days, we must have surely frustrated Death with our light and laughter.
Since Joel will pass before me and we will share the same resting place, she smiled when I claimed top berth. She also nodded yes to the thought that she was going to have to pass away just so I would stop nagging her to drink a little more, here eat a little more.
And we agreed that she would watch at the pearly gates for me. "Look for the big, clumsy guy with the smile on his face."
This life of Joel Christine's is not about gray and mourning black, but glorious colors of rainbows and bouquets of joy.
And so, too, is her passing.
That leaves the question: Death, where is thy sting?
Banished, I think, by the comfort of God's touch.
Kent Davy, the editor of the North County Times, is on leave to care for his wife, Joel. He may be contacted at davy@nctimes.com.
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Vanessa wrote on Jun 30, 2007 3:02 PM: Truly Joel's life is to be celebrated. I refelect on the gift I was given to share in a small part her life and dying experience. Her strength and spirit bought me awareness of how great is the hope, peace and salvation that God offers all of us through prayer and relationship with Him and others. I will miss her "gentle spirit" and am in awe of the love that surrounds her.
Keith wrote on Jun 30, 2007 5:44 PM:We continue to "Celebrate Life" with you, Kent & Joel, now and always. Your little brother and family, Keith
Carol wrote on Jun 30, 2007 8:30 PM:I have shed many tears with you, Kent, as you approached your final farewell with the love of your life. I truly know how it feels, having known the joy and pain you have experienced. I will always remember Joel's bright spirit as one of the "Celebration Ringers," the Bell Choir. We could always depend on Joel's late arrival for practice with that great sparkle in her eyes.
Randy wrote on Jun 30, 2007 8:53 PM:Kent, I am so extremely touched by God's excellence and grace that is unselfishly and brilliantly glistening from you and Joel. Wow! Your marriage is a beautiful testimony, and you are so blessed to have such a priceless jewel of a wife. Celebrating with you, a distant "cousin" along the Weeks branch here in Nebraska, Randy
Anon wrote on Jul 1, 2007 4:26 AM:What a an inspiring testimony to pure love. Although it has a sad ending, be comforted to know that you experienced something special that many of us will never will. I envy what you shared.
Anon wrote on Jul 1, 2007 4:28 AM:What a an inspiring testimony to pure love. Although it has a sad ending, be comforted to know that you experienced something special that many of us never will. I envy what you shared.
Robert24 wrote on Jul 1, 2007 9:16 AM:I am honored to be able to get to "know" Joel through these words, and saddened to think of her passing. I am pleased, though, to know and hear that she is at peace and preparing for her journey home, to be with her Lord. How awesome to have this faith and understanding that this life is just temporary, and that you will be together again one day. God Speed, Joel. And God Bless you, Kent.
Judie wrote on Jul 1, 2007 9:43 AM:Just a few days ago I read a beautiful posting by Nellie Andrade... "What you leave behind is not what is engraved in a stone monmument,but what is woven in the lives of others"... You and Joel are proving that...Thank you for the tears.
Thank you wrote on Jul 1, 2007 12:02 PM:Thank you for all the reminders of how precious every day is, nay, every moment! Thank you for reminding us of how little it takes to 'make a difference' in someone else's life, whether it be our dear family, or a stranger trying to cross the street safely. Too many are in a rush with greed as a passenger, and never hear the birds singing, see the smiles, take a moment to listen to a child's story, and most of all, to 'celebrate' al those opportunities. Use this day - it never will return. Joel and Keith, bless you and your wonderful family - one light may 'go out' but many more will shine. Will others keep that light burning?
Sally wrote on Jul 1, 2007 3:00 PM:What a pleasure to share your wonderful story of love and devotion until "death do us part". You are both lucky to have found eachother in this lifetime. Can you ask Joel to say "hi" to my mom, who passed 2 yrs. ago from pancreatic cancer, and my dad, who passed in '95 from prostate cancer? I know they will welcome her with open arms. May they all rest in peace...
Denise wrote on Jul 1, 2007 4:59 PM:Love and prayers to Joel, Kent and Jesse. Time is too short measured in the living of this excellent woman. Love and grace surround her. Her triumph is her unwavering spirit, her continued example of grace and good humor. I have been blessed by her generosity of spirit and amazed by her enormous capacity for love and celebration.
Lisa wrote on Jul 2, 2007 12:01 AM:Thank you Kent, for so beautifully expressing the love and joy you have found in your marriage to Joel - so many of us have walked this same walk, but we lack the words to share the wonder of it all that you have conveyed. As surely as you feel the warmth of the sun, Joel will always be with you - as God always has been.
Lyn wrote on Jul 2, 2007 5:43 AM:Thank you for your courage and vulnerability in sharing a deeply personal and moving testament to love and faith. God bless you and your family.
John E wrote on Jul 2, 2007 8:50 AM:Thank you for sharing. Best wishes to your entire family.
Liga wrote on Jul 2, 2007 10:23 AM:What an awesome opportunity to celebrate life as we should!! Please tell Joel to say hello to a man by the name of Petero Visesio (my Dad) when she gets to Heaven - he'll be the one in workout clothes holding a fishing pole. May Joel's journey home to meet our Savior be as grand as my Dad's...
JA wrote on Jul 2, 2007 8:46 PM:God Bless and God Speed Joel.
Darrell G. wrote on Jul 5, 2007 9:22 AM:God has blessed you both. Your unconditional love for each other. Her and your many friends that have been and are loved by Joel Christine and yourself. Although, I did not know her. I have met and talked with Kent. We share a common experience with the loss of our true loves. Joel is indeed a very special person. May Death be banished with the celebration of her life and love. Say hi to Mary, she will be the beautiful woman who is taking care of the children. God Speed Joel.
Victoria wrote on Jul 20, 2007 1:47 PM:God Bless you both in this time of rejoicing. You are so lucky to have each other and have the time to say good-bye..............Celebrate Life! Its a good place there Joel, my little boy Steve told me so when he left. I am sure he will happily give you the grand tour. Rest and know you are loved. xoxo, Victoria @ Salon Beautiful (Jean's co-worker)
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