Marcus

Before I begin, let it be said that sending Fido to the gallows is deplorable behavior any way you look at it.

And, innocent or guilty of the current charges he faces, Michael Vick is unlikely to receive an invitation to my next cocktail party. He's probably more interested in cockfighting parties, anyway.

But let's not allow all the flashy recent headlines to obscure the fact that Mr. Mexico is a veritable criminal lightweight compared to his little brother Marcus.

Check out the sordid past of the guy whose pseudonym, according to the Internet's Ron Mexico Name Generator, is "Hank Bosnia".

Marcus has twice been accused over a span of almost three years of having sex with underage girls. In the same time span, he has been convicted of furnishing alcohol to minors.

He has been pinched on multiple traffic stops for charges including speeding, marijuana possession and driving with a suspended license.

He was kicked off the Virginia Tech team after he stomped on the leg of Louisville's Elvis Dumervil during the Gator Bowl. And he learned such a valuable lesson from that punishment that he was arrested for allegedly waving a gun at three teenagers outside of a McDonald's barely a week later.

It may sound strange to say when his brother is facing dogfighting allegations, but Marcus may even be the dumber Vick.

There were reports before the 2006 NFL draft that Marcus scored an 11 on the NFL's Wonderlic aptitude test ---- a score that can probably be attained by successfully touching your finger to your nose.

And his decisions have been so consistently, ridiculously dumb that the Web site everydayshouldbesaturday.com features a quiz entitled "Are You Marcus Vick?" that includes questions like: Which one of these describes your driving style? A) Without a license and in possession of marijuana. B) Speeding and without a license. C) Hey, I'm Marcus Vick (all three).

That's one of the site's more tame offerings.

For all the horrible things of which Michael is accused, he at least seems to have enough self-awareness to keep his supposed misdeeds mostly discreet. He kept his alleged canine-related activities under wraps until the cops searched his property on an unrelated matter. And that secret compartment in the water bottle actually showed a little ingenuity.

Michael even thinks up his own aliases. He might even get a few Wonderlic bonus points for that.

Discretion has rarely been Marcus' strong suit. Not as he ---- allegedly ---- pulls out his piece in front of a crowded burger joint and stomps an opponent in front of a national television audience, as if nobody will notice.

It's one thing to be a bad dude, like Michael appears to be. But being a total idiot to boot, like Marcus, is an even scarier proposition.

Unless, of course, you're looking at it from a pit bull's perspective.

Contact staff writer Michael Klitzing at mrklitzing@gmail.com.