Reports of domestic violence in North County on the rise

By: SARAH WILKINS - Staff Writer | Friday, September 7, 2007 11:28 PM PDT ∞

NORTH COUNTY ---- Ronnie Root was a victim of domestic violence for years before she knew it.

"I knew he was hitting me, and I knew it sucked," the 43-year-old mother of five said.

Domestic violence such as Root experienced is a growing problem in North County that claims victims in all walks of life, including a large number of teenagers. Cases have resulted in up to a half-dozen homicides in the last four years, and are often fueled by alcohol and other substance abuse, authorities said.

Root, talking at St. Clare's Home, an Escondido organization that aids victims of domestic abuse and homelessness, said the most important thing for victims to do is to seek help.

"You get caught in that rut and it's so scary to change, the fear of being alone," she said. "But after a while ... you know it'll be OK, and it feels really good."

According to statistics released in April by the San Diego Association of Governments, domestic violence in North County cities rose from 4,923 cases in 2005 to 5,153 cases in 2006 ---- a 4.6 percent jump. Increases were seen as well in Carlsbad, Escondido, Oceanside, Del Mar, Encinitas, San Marcos and Solana Beach. Only Vista and Poway recorded a drop in that time, the agency reported.

Domestic violence reports in those areas of North County jumped an average of 10 percent since 2002, according to the report. Conversely, San Diego County as a whole saw a 9 percent drop since 2002 and a 6 percent decrease between 2005 and 2006. In 1998, a national survey by the Commonwealth Fund showed that 31 percent of women reported being physically or abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives.

Men are victims in about 15 percent of cases, said Lori Walsh, an Escondido-based education and outreach manager for the Center for Community Solutions.

Factors affecting the increase in domestic violence cases include more victims coming forward to report crimes and the frequency of substance abuse among attackers, said Lt. Hernando Torres of the county Sheriff's Department domestic violence unit.

More victims report crimes than they did in the past, due in part to increasing education on the crime, deputies working to encourage victims to report domestic violence and recent immigrants breaking with tradition to admit abuse, Torres said. Victims come from all races, income levels and regions, he added.

Law enforcement officials also see a growing number of referrals from places such as schools and hospitals, Torres said.

Walsh said 28 percent of teens in relationships are abused.

"A lot of people think (domestic violence) only affects adults, not teens, but it absolutely does," she said.

Teens often think of only physical violence as abuse, and may consider emotional, verbal or sexual mistreatment differently, Walsh said.

"They may not have the words for it," she said. "They think they're not being hit, so it's not abusive."

Traci Barker-Ball, student services coordinator at Poway High School, said teen dating violence reported there is more often emotional rather than physical.

"It's more obsessive, possessive, emotional blackmail," she said. "With physical (violence) they don't want to go forward because they know we'll go to parents, police."

Sister Claire Frawley, founder of St. Clare's Home, added that law enforcement is also doing a better job of arresting abusers.

In the past, she said, "women were abused and (officers) would come and they'd leave. Now, they have to do something, men are taken into custody."

Still, she said, many women are afraid to report violence. "It's a frightening situation. They're afraid (they'll) be killed."

Four to six domestic violence cases have resulted in homicide over the last four years, Torres said. Three of those involved temporary restraining orders filed against the abusers, he said.

"Domestic violence continues to be a serious problem for all communities and a high priority for our department," said Lynn Diamond, spokeswoman for the Carlsbad Police Department. "It's important to (emphasize) that people need to report incidents of domestic violence."

"Substance abuse is a significant factor" in the rise of such incidents, Torres said.

According to Frawley, substance abuse hurts victims in more ways than one.

"Generally, (victims are) in a situation where their partner's on drugs and becomes violent," Frawley said. "Some of them then try to escape the pain by turning to drugs ---- it's a very complex issue."

Root agreed. "(Substance use) eases the drama in your mind," she said. "In actuality it doesn't, but for that one moment you feel better about yourself, about what happened, about everything."

Root, who has now received almost two years of assistance at Saint Clare's, said treatment has given her the strength to start breaking free from her history of emotional and physical abuse.

"Today, I can hang up the phone," she said. "I can walk away."

Root said treatment has helped her move on: She is going back to school and will be moving into transitional housing. Still, she worries about her 7-year-old son, who she says has become aggressive because he has grown up around abuse.

"It carries through, it does," she said, adding that she is working to change his attitude while he's still young. "I want that to change now, before he has a girlfriend. I don't want it to carry on."

Contact staff writer Sarah Wilkins at (760) 740-3524 or swilkins@nctimes.com.

Domestic violence resources

  • Saint Clare's Home: (760) 741-0122; www.stclareshome.org

  • Center for Community Solutions: (760) 747-6282; www.ccssd.org

  • North County Family Violence Prevention Center: (760) 798-2835

  • Women's Resource Center: (760) 757-3500; www.womensresourcecenter-wrc.org

  • San Diego County Domestic Violence Hotline: (888) DVLINKS (385-4657); www.dvlinks.org

  • Indian Health Council Inc.: (760) 749-1410; www.indianhealth.com

  • San Diego County Sheriff's Domestic Violence Unit: (858) 974-2496; www.sdsheriff.net/CID/services_domesticviolence.html

  • Community Resource Center: (760) 753-1156 or Hotline (877) 633-1112; www.communityresourcecenter.org

  • Camp Pendleton Family Services; www.mccscp.com

  • Palomar Pomerado Health Sexual Assault Response Team: (760) 739-2150; www.pph.org

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    Pre-Registration Comments[-]Go to Top

    Shila wrote on Sep 8, 2007 3:10 AM:Domestic violence is an issue that needs a lot of attention, thankfully people age getting more and more empowered to come forward and find a way out through availability of literature. We often hear of women getting abused, escaping abusive relationships only to return to their abusive partners. Why do they go back? Friends and families often give up on these women ruling them out as "stupid", is this the right cause of action? Do we give then a chance and try to understand their points of view? ... Domestic violence victims have no profiles, it could happen to you. Real, learn and protect yourself!

    DEB wrote on Sep 8, 2007 8:53 AM:There is a greater opportunity here if Bishop Weeks would take advantage of this for the greater good all. We hear a lot about victims ... I am a survivor of domestic violence. You see the problem is that we are addressing the wrong side of domestic violence. Everything is for the shelters to protect and hide the victims. If the abusers were made to step up and be responsible for their actions there could be much pain and suffering saved. If an abuser would commit himself to another location and enter a half-way house type setting, counseling and help for the problem could be addressed ( and it is not a anger management issue), the family and children could not be disturbed which would be much better for the children, the children could be told the truth (that daddy or mommy loved them but they are sick and are going away to get better) and not be hauled off to jail in a sense the child will never forget, etc. If the abuser would take responsibility and sincerely want help for the problem, the abuser would not want to endanger or harm his family any further. Christians should demand the abuser step forward and accept responsibility. Hiding the victim and letting the abuser go free is not the scriptural way things should be handled. Therefore it is no wonder the problem is growing and not decreasing. We are feeding the problem. Just ask yourself this. Wouldn�t Jesus act the same way he did concerning the money changers in the temple when he violently through the marketers out of the temple. This would be a matter Jesus would have reacted violently and not permitted. He would have glared right at the abuser. He would not have thought it was right to participate in secret hide-a-ways. But we Christian want to pretend it does not exist. Again, like the Good Samaritan that stopped to help while all the others walked on by and refused assistance along the road to the man. It is Bishop Weeks that can change history here and has the strongest ministry to offer as it is not a duplication of another, and it is the right thing to do for a man to guide others to be responsible. 80% of incarcerated individuals are from domestic violent homes. As children are growing up and seeing there family not be protected by the laws of our country and they also see the good Christian people pass on by and pretend they don�t see their pain, it is no wonder. These children grow up not respecting the laws. These children also grow up to think that God does not love them because of the actions of Christians to ignore their pain. The scriptures tell us to address this differently than is being done. Christians are the ones that are going to have to step up to the plate.

    Sad but True wrote on Sep 8, 2007 11:10 AM:Look at the culture around us- rap music and videos that advocates abusing women and gays, violence on TV and on the sports' fields, violence in an immoral war, and the attitude today that everything must be given to one- then add to that mix an erosion of the middle class and ability to earn money and take care of one's family and you have the ingredients for continuing violence and in fact escalating violence. Until men and women are raised to take complete responsibility for their own actions, this will not change. Good parenting is essential and that includes getting your kids out of an abusive situation. They learn what they see so get them out now.

    Paul wrote on Sep 8, 2007 11:11 AM:How come there's no shelters for men? Men are the one's that usually get ejected from the residence. I passed a person at Albertsons asking for donations for women and children shelters. I told him "no way, not until they start opening shelters for men", and he said he's been hearing that a lot. Some women will use the system to just get their mate out of the way as a convenience and when it happened to me I couldn't keep my dogs so I had to take them to the pound. Maybe society should not encourage marriage. If you want a kid save your money and go to a sperm or egg clinic.

    To Paul wrote on Sep 8, 2007 12:00 PM:Sounds like you had a bad experience. The fact remains that about 90% of victims of domestic violence are women. Often times women in these violent relationships do not have a job and tend to have children to take care of, thus the need for shelters and other assistance. Are there women out there manipulating the system, yes there are. But this does not account for all women victims...Men are not the ones always getting "ejected" from the house, most often times the women leave because they usually cannot afford to make the payment. There is other assistance out there for male victims, usually hotel vouchers, etc...

    Jamie wrote on Sep 8, 2007 12:57 PM:Paul-I think Downtown Encinitas has some kind of a place for male assistance.

    Grow up Paul wrote on Sep 8, 2007 1:12 PM:why no shelters for men... Because men are usually not the victims. Men are stronger and more agressive and it's usually the man that gets angry and starts beating on the woman and children. Not the other way around (in most cases, not all I agree). If the man gets kicked out it's very often because he's been an *** and deserves it and that is not what this kind of charity is all about. Not to protect someone who gets kicked out because they screwed up their marriage, but to protect people and especially children, and help them get away from the violence in their own homes. So......

    What? wrote on Sep 8, 2007 2:20 PM:If they hit you they don't love you enough to keep themselves under control. If an argument gets to the yelling stage stop the argument for 24 hours and come back to it the next day. That will give everyone time to calm down and consider their points. It will also give them time to consider how important the subject is to them. Is it a relationship ender or can you agree to disagree and move on. As an added bonus it will give everyone time to sober up.

    To "To Paul" wrote on Sep 8, 2007 2:37 PM:you forgot under bridges, in parks, in canyons, etc., you know, where it's nice and safe and warm (or cool). The fact is that part of the reason that the women who batter men are under-reported is male pride, they don't like hearing things like "You wimp" and they fear that if they do fight back, it will all of a sudden be the battering woman who cries "He hit me". The guy may have 10 times more bruises, but if he hits her, he is the bad guy, RIGHT? He should have just left, he had other options than to hit that poor, poor woman. Check with your local marriage and family counselors if you don't believe me.

    Paul wrote on Sep 8, 2007 2:56 PM:hotel vouchers, etc... "?? That allow dogs and fenced yards when you're at work?? Anyone who abuses the system should be severely punished.

    To Deb wrote on Sep 8, 2007 3:31 PM:That is a nice response that you had but this is just a fantasy. Most of these abusers learned this behavior from their own parents and this is a life long behavior that they inherit.. A majority of these perpetrators are consumed with control and jealousy so they would not "surrender" for the good of their spouse/girlfriend, etc... The best thing for the victims is to get out of the situation and try to start a new life for themselves.

    It's Better wrote on Sep 8, 2007 5:09 PM:to be alone than to slowly die every day with each physical and mental blow to your being. Would you treat him the same way? No. Then why let him treat you this way? He loves himself more than he loves you- time to pack it up, grab the kids and get the hell out of Dodge.Don't forget to empty the bank account on your way out. Every smack or vicious remark is a debit against the bank balance. Take it all- you earned it in the worst possible way.

    Jeff wrote on Sep 8, 2007 7:35 PM:Men are abused by women much more than one might think. Ask yourself this; What self respecting man is going to call the police because his wife hit him? Most men will get hit once and then walk away without telling anyone. Women tend to call the police in a heartbeat these days, which is not wrong if there is truly abuse, but it sure skews the stats. I've seen instances where a woman repeatidly pushed her husband and then called the police because he finally pushed her back. Domestic violance laws are truly needed, but they are typically enforced in a very one sided fashion.

    Don't Be A Victim wrote on Sep 8, 2007 7:51 PM:As a fellow survivor of domestic violence, I agree that the agressor needs to be able to be punished more severely than they are now ... however ... I also have little sympathy for women (or men) who continue to allow themselves to be a victim time and time again. No one can ever hurt you more than you allow them to. Hit me once, shame on you ... Hit me twice (or 3 or 4 or 10), then shame on me!

    Try this wrote on Sep 8, 2007 8:24 PM:Why not wait to get pregnant or married to the wrong person. Stand up for yourself and respect yourself before you get into a bad relationship. Why is it that women flock to men who have over powered ego's and then wonder why he can't keep himself in check after the honeymoon is over. Nice guys finish last. Why is it that in my experience if you act like a gentleman you are passed up by a total jerk. Look before you leap or it you who end up with bruises on your face.

    Paul wrote on Sep 8, 2007 8:35 PM:I guess I should tell the whole truth, my lawyer did say; "just follow the steps and her true colors will show and you'll win big in the end", and indeed it happened! I got all the properties for minimal buyout in '98 including the main residence, so that's a mental ***whippin' she's gonna remember for the rest of her life. The moral to this whole article is WATCH YOUR STEP!!

    To It's Better wrote on Sep 8, 2007 8:43 PM:I agree with your post wholeheartedly. When it happened to me I kept items of value to compensate for the hatred and pain that was inflicted upon me and my eldest daughter. Didn't make it completely all better. I still have flashbacks when I'm certain places around the county, but doing so made me feel slightly better. Plus he has to pay child support for his daughter. I pressed charges and sought child support for his child. I wasn't going to allow him to get away with what he had done. And oh yes he was a tweaker, so it's very true that drug abuse plays a great big part. Some might say I should have known better, but not being from CA, I was unaware of this drug and the harm it does. Plus I naively thought that love could conquer his problems. Never again. Like someone posted previously, better to be alone and happy than with someone like that and miserable and suicidal.

    To Sad but true wrote on Sep 8, 2007 9:01 PM:I'm no fan of most rap, but to blame that as the root of all problems concerning domestic violence is not the answer. Prior to rap music, domestic violence went on. I know because my mother and brother and I lived through it in the 70's, 80's and early 90's. Back then, it was unreported or when it was, no one took the victim seriously, including family members. Again, I lived it. So what would have been the cause back then? Wasn't rap music. My belief is the patriarchcal society especially within the Christian and other religious context. The belief was women and children were the property of men and thus to be done with as they wished, including physical, mental, sexual abuse. Some men really took this belief to heart, others were/are decent. I believe that everyone needs to step up, take notice and do something about this. I've noticed too many killings by husbands/boyfriends recently (the last few years). It's unbelievable and unacceptable. But once the story fades from the front pages, no one thinks about it again... until the next wife or girlfriend goes missing and is found murdered. So, it was good that NCT wrote a piece about the issue.

    it still hurts.. wrote on Sep 8, 2007 11:01 PM: wow this article hits close to home for me... when I was younger I was abuse, mentally and physical.. some of you are sayimg hey walk away?? well it is not that easy. when you do, you get hit more, or threated to be killed and will take the kids from you.. I moved to oceanside back in 1981. married to a marine. twice a police officer came to my aid at buddy todd park and the beach by the pier. I was trying to walk away with the baby. ... told the officer I wanted to leave, but he would not let me go. both times the officer said for my husband to let me and the baby go. yes I did leave, but later that night when I was at home, he came home and started in on me.... He had a key, was told if I did that ... again he was going to hurt me or kill me and take the baby.. yes I did tell his unit. NOTHING WAS DONE... but a slap on the wrist. I told nobody after that. ... cause I was to SCARED TO. you do not know how it is to be scared and alone thinking your nothing but crap..you feel like you failed your kids being a bad mom, scared when they come home at night or the next day from being out all night.... After a while I did tell some one... why cause she seen the way I looked and some bruises on me. you know I did not even tell my mom or dad. was so ashame to. ... My friend did end up telling my folks and I got mad at her. but you know she did me a favor. after talking to my folks, I open my eyes and got stronger, cause I knew I could call someone for help. the last time he hit me, I hit him back and told him that would be the last time he hit me. I did get away.. took the kids and left. did not look back either.. so sad that still this goes on and on... yes even for men to.. glad now that is more places for women to go to, get help.. also on base now to, glad that a marine wife can feel safe if she needs help.. but also we as the public can get involved by opening our hearts, cause there is still alot of women out there afraid to get help....

    Just Say No wrote on Sep 11, 2007 9:10 AM:to abuse. Look at the clues. Does he make you feel happy when you are with him or are YOU always the one having to make him feel better? Are you better off with him or without him? Does your stomach tighten when you hear his car coming up the driveway and you take a quick walk around the house to make sure everything is in order in the house so he doesn't have a reason to get upset with you? Do the kids have to be perfect otherwise he can't handle it? Does LIFE have to be perfect otherwise he can't handle it? Does he BLAME everyone else for his problems? He's a bottomless pit- a Black Hole and NOTHING you will ever do will make him CHANGE or FEEL better about his life. It's not you that is the problem, IT'S HIM! He needs professional help and you don't need to be the one to sacrifice your time and life to FIX him. Get out and if he really wants to change, then he can do it on his own. You get out and live your life....and don't take him back. And God Bless you on your journey back to happiness.

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