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Who is the more notorious distraction?
By: LOREN NELSON - North County Times sports editor | ∞
By: MARC FIGUEROA - North County Times
Jessica Simpson
We don't need a woman in the White House to prove what everyone already knows.
Women rule the world, plain and simple. Always have. Always will.
Only Helen's face could launch a thousand ships.
Harry's face wouldn't even be able to launch a tugboat.
Adam and Romeo knew this. John Lennon and Mickey Mantle did, too.
And so does Tony Romo.
Women make men melt, wherever they are and whatever the circumstances.
Yes, they are a distraction, even if they are tucked away in a luxury box high above the playing field. But Jessica Simpson, the blonde bombshell with the Daisy Duke legs that can melt a three-cheese pie in those Pizza Hut commercials, takes the cake for keeping a star athlete's - or anyone's for that matter - head in the clouds.
Loren over there says Yoko Ono is the most notorious distraction for helping break up the Beatles. But Yoko has nothing on Jessica. Maybe it was Yoko's poetry that attracted Lennon.
Or maybe it was her willingness to take her clothes off seemingly every time she exhaled. Whatever it was, it wasn't her beauty.
What makes Simpson so dangerous is the fact that she actually likes football - or at least acts like she does. Remember on MTV's "Newlyweds" when she let ex-hubby Nick Lachey watch all those USC football games? Of course, she did get peeved when Lachey paid more attention to the Trojans than her, so it could all be an act.
I can hear Jessica now. "Tony, honey, do you have to go to practice today? It's only the Super Bowl. Aren't I more important than a silly trophy named after a guy named Vince?"
She winks, she smiles and then Tony melts, as we all would, instantly forgetting about everything he's worked for up to now.
"You're right baby," Romo concedes. "I never really liked football, anyway."
That's a man for you. We're just dumb like that. Wave some perfume and some sweet talk in our faces and we'll sign our lives away. Women know it. We know it, too. And, for whatever reason, we can't do anything about it.
If Helen can launch a thousand ships, surely Jessica can launch a few interceptions.
Sorry Dallas, you're done. But don't worry, it won't last. I'm sure she'll be in a luxury box somewhere else soon enough. Marc Figueroa can be reached at marcfig@aol.com.
Yoko Ono
So it has come to this. Yoko Ono appearing in the sports section.
I can assure you this topic was Marc's idea. In a moment of weakness, I agreed. He gets Jessica Simpson, I get Yoko Ono.
In retrospect, this is the worst deal since Herschel Walker-to-the-Vikings. More one-sided than the Louisiana Purchase.
Right now, Marc is laughing as he sits poolside, drinks a Bloody Mary and drools over his Simpson swimsuit calendar.
I am typing this on a jet bound for icy Indianapolis and wondering if I can name a single Beatles album.
No, I can't.
I missed out on Beatlemania, just as I did the Backstreet Boys. Wrong places, wrong times, I suppose.
But I can only imagine how I would feel if some marginally talented diva with sunglasses the size of a Volkswagen had interfered with the genius of, say, the Scorpions or Motley Crue.
Whoever wrote Ono's Wikipedia biography uses velvet mittens in describing her role in the breakup of the Beatles. Allegedly, John Lennon had been thinking about leaving the band years before marrying Ono.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
For fun, I'd like to see some insanely bitter Beatles fan hack into Ono's Web page and rewrite that section with a different set of facts. Would be an entertaining read, I'd wager.
It's always dangerous when someone like Ono believes they are a gifted artist or a songwriter or singer when, in reality, they are more suited for scrubbing carpets or buffing rear bumpers. They've built entire TV shows off these tragically funny folks.
If you're wondering where the sports angle is in all this, I did see Paul McCartney perform at halftime of the Super Bowl held in Jacksonville, Fla. So there.
In Dallas, they are calling Simpson "Yoko Romo" for her romantic involvement with Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. In case you didn't hear, Romo and Simpson recently had a little getaway in Mexico even with the Cowboys' playoff game against the New York Giants looming. Scandalous!
Yes, Romo has had some bad games. But until Simpson starts diagramming plays or whispering coverages into Romo's helmet headset, there's no debate here.
Simpson will not lead to the breakup of the Cowboys. And her sunglasses are nowhere near as big as Ono's.
M-Fig may have outmaneuvered me on choosing the topic, but there's no way he triumphs in this debate. He remains our Sergio Garcia - winless when it counts the most.
Contact sports editor Loren Nelson at (760) 740-3551 or lnelson@nctimes.com.
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