Minding your P's and Q's: Escondido kids learn manners over tea, cookies

By: SHAYNA CHABNER - Staff Writer | Tuesday, February 26, 2008 11:31 PM PST ∞

ESCONDIDO -- In Heidy Ballance's class, the rules are easy, if not a bit out of the ordinary. Take no more than three cookies with tea, do not talk while chewing, and always say "please," "thank you" and "excuse me."

"It's simple," said Ballance, who teaches a three-week course through the Escondido Recreation Department called Teddy Bear and Tea Time Charm School.

"Our lessons are on how good and bad manners influence your life ... how to eat foods you like and don't like -- pinching your nose without actually pinching your nose -- and how manners influence how people respond to you."

The 45-minute etiquette class is dressed up a bit with role playing, stuffed animals, cookies and tea in china cups in an effort to better reach her audience -- a dozen 5- to 8-year-olds. She also teaches the course to kids ages 9 to 12, when there is interest, and holds private tea parties on request.

"It's really cool," 6-year-old Reegan McCluskey said Monday while clutching a worn pink poodle named Elizabeth in her arms. "I've learned a lot of new stuff. Like putting a napkin in my lap and how to serve my mom tea."

Reegan's friend, 7-year-old Paige Townsend, who brought a small stuffed dog named Spot, nodded her head in agreement.

After pausing a moment to finish a bite of cookie, Paige said the class builds on the lessons her parents try to teach her at home.

"My mom is always, always telling me, 'Put you napkin in your lap,' " she said, sounding a little exasperated. "Now I know you put your arm that you are not eating with in your lap also."

On Monday, the final class in the course, Ballance welcomed the parents and grandparents of her dozen students -- which includes three boys -- to give the children an opportunity to demonstrate some of the things they have learned by serving tea.

Ballance, who created the class nearly two decades ago after not finding a similar course for her own children, also shared tips for continuing the etiquette lessons at home. Some of her recommendations include making formal dinners fun by adding a theme and having the whole family dress up accordingly or allowing stuffed animals or games to the table.

"They love serving their own tea and acting grown up," Ballance said, noting that by teaching kids manners early on, they can build good habits that follow them throughout their life.

Many of the parents who attended the last class Monday said they have already seen a difference in their children. In some cases, they said, the kids are now the ones telling their parents how to behave.

"She always has her napkin on her lap and says 'Please' and 'Thank you,' " Alex McCluskey said of her daughter, Reegan. "She is more aware. I'm sad it's only three weeks. I would have liked it to run longer."

-- Contact staff writer Shayna Chabner at (760) 740-5416 or schabner@nctimes.com.