Patience, kindness guided San Marcos couple through 70 years of marriage

By PAM KRAGEN - Staff Writer | Saturday, May 3, 2008 10:12 PM PDT ∞

SAN MARCOS ---- Life hasn't always been a breeze for San Marcos residents Lou and Virginia Dean, but the retired couple say that patience and faith in each other have helped them weather any obstacles in their nearly three-quarters of a century together.

The Deans were surprised early last month when their children and grandchildren threw a party to celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary. Relatives flew in from Arkansas, Washington and Florida for the party, which was held April 4 in San Marcos.

Lou Dean, 91, said he and his 90-year-old wife were stunned that their family, friends and neighbors were able to pull off the party as a complete surprise. It helped that the party took place almost a month before their actual anniversary on April 30, which they were able to spend alone together last week.

Asked the secret of their long and happy marriage, Virginia says she learned that "it's better not to always say every thought that comes to mind" in the interest of harmony. And Lou answers the question more simply: "My secret is Virginia."

No big anniversary trip is planned for their anniversary, Lou said, because they like staying close to home these days. But they do have an active social life and get out most every day to visit with friends. And while they do enjoy dining out, Virginia still cooks dinner almost every night.

"The two things I love most about Virginia are her smile and her cooking," Lou said.

The couple met in 1932 as high school freshmen in Branford, Conn. Two years later, when he was still a junior in high school, Lou enlisted in the U.S. Navy. The couple married in 1938.

"He never really did officially ask me to marry him," Virginia recalls. "He just sort of took it for granted that I'd say yes. Now he asks me all the time."

Their first overseas posting was in Panama, where their oldest son, Jim, was born in 1940. Three other sons would follow over the next 16 years ---- Bill, John and Greg. Bill and John have since passed away, but John (who lives with his family in Bremerton, Wash.) and Greg (who lives with his wife in Lancaster) co-hosted the Deans' anniversary party last month.

When World War II began, Lou was assigned to sea duty and Virginia moved back to Connecticut to raise her sons. After the war, Lou returned home for a few years, but when the Korean War began, he was shipped overseas again to serve in the First Marine Division in Korea's Chosin Reservoir. The news reports from the so-called "frozen Chosin" were grim, but fortunately Lou survived and shipped home safely in 1951. He retired from the Navy in 1958 as a lieutenant commander with numerous commendations including nine battle stars, a Navy Commendation Medal, Presidential Unit citations, the Korean PVC with oak leaf cluster, and more.

During the war years, Virginia had to manage on her own ---- moving from home to home, changing the boys' schools and dealing with separation from her husband, wartime rationing and mail censorship. They were difficult years, she admits, but overall she said she liked being a Navy bride.

"It wasn't always easy, but we had a good life. We really enjoyed our years in the military," she said.

Lou found a second career as a teacher, teaching at Grant Junior High School in Escondido from 1961 until his retirement in 1978. They moved to San Marcos 39 years ago. These days, their lives center on social events at the San Marcos Senior Center and at their church, St. Mark's Catholic Church in San Marcos.

Staying married for 70 years is quite an accomplishment, the Deans agree, and they lament how today it's not as common for marriages to last a lifetime.

"You need a lot of patience to stay married as long as we have," Lou said. "People today give up too soon."

While financial struggles doom many marriages today, the Deans say they can be overcome.

"Young people today want everything, and that puts a lot of pressure on a relationship," Virginia said. "We never had a whole lot of money but we always managed to save some, and we sent all four boys to college. We made it because we never wanted more than we needed or could handle."

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