Old Town Community remembers one of its own

Debra Perry passes away, leaves memories

By NICOLE SACK - Staff Writer | Friday, May 23, 2008 6:09 PM PDT ∞

TEMECULA ---- A light is still shining inside the Crochet Cafe. A small lamp remained glowing in the tiny shop snuggled within a cozy Old Town courtyard late this week.

But for those who knew the store's owner, Debra Perry, the day was a little darker. Perry, 47, died Wednesday night from complications stemming from breast cancer. As news spread among friends and merchants in Old Town of her death, stories of remembrance and giving emerged that are destined to live on.

"It's unfortunate that it takes such a hard and ugly situation to bring the best out of people," one of her friends said Thursday. "She was so humble and appreciated everything that people had done for her."

Perry, who was born in Long Beach on June 18, 1960, opened her shop in the Old Jail Courtyard off the intersection of Main and Old Town Front streets about a year and a half ago. Besides having her small shop in Old Town, Perry lived in Old Town in a small loft.

She was a single mother raising her two sons, Noah, 16 and Elijah, 18. It is nearly impossible to talk to anyone who knew Perry without learning about "her boys."

Perry's struggles with cancer were years old. However, at the beginning of this year, doctors discovered the cancer had spread from her breasts to her brain and lungs. She had to leave her work as a dental hygienist to focus on her own medical issues.

Community rallies

At the same time that Perry began to undergo extensive treatments, including brain surgery and chemotherapy, in February, the Old Town community began to rally around her.

Quietly and without fanfare, the business owners, shopkeepers, residents of the area and friends paid off her car loan, helped with her rent, bought her food, fixed her car, arranged special events for her sons and offered as much emotional and financial support as they could.

Those acts of kindness did not go unappreciated by the woman who received them, and those who witnessed them.

"She really wanted the community to know how much good goes on in this town," said Sandra Sappington, a longtime friend of Perry's. "That's something we talked about a lot in the past weeks, and it was something that she believed was important to be shared. There was so much giving; it just kept coming. It made her feel blessed."

At the beginning of May, Perry moved from her Old Town apartment into Sappington's Temecula home, where Sandra and her husband, Lee, and their four daughters, all worked to ease the turbulence that came with Perry's fatal condition.

"I gutted my dining room to make her room," she said. "We wanted her to be in the center of the house, not secluded in a back room."

It was in the Sappingtons' home that Perry died at 10:53 p.m. Wednesday night.

Friendships

Sappington met Perry about six years ago because their children attended the same Bible study. The two women formed a friendship.

"We're so close, we almost didn't understand it at first," Sappington said. "But when she got sick, I realized it was my purpose to take care of her and to take care of her boys."

Sappington said her job now will be to take care of Perry's two sons. She said arrangements are being made with attorneys to gain guardianship, uncharted territory for the family.

"She was very content and very much at peace with us taking the kids," she said. "Their mom was their mom, and always will be. I just hope I can be another mom ---- a second mom ---- for them."

Though she was in a loving environment during the final weeks of her life, Perry's condition seemed to deteriorate faster than any of her friends expected, said Evelyn Honea, owner of the Temecula House of Jerky.

Knowing that uncertainty surrounded her, Perry's friends and family held a special graduation ceremony Tuesday ---- ahead of Elijah's scheduled high school graduation on May 30 at Temecula Valley High School.

"We had a ceremony so she could see her son in his cap and gown and take pictures with him. We even presented him with a diploma," said Honea, a friend of Perry's who helped arrange the event. "It was good for her to hear the graduation music and to see him. I think she enjoyed that.

"I don't know who to feel worse for. I know she's in heaven, but those boys ---- that was their mom," she said. "She was very proud of her sons. She knew she had good boys."

Full of passion

Honea said Perry's signature was her long skirt and apron, and that she always had a book or Bible with her.

"She looked like someone out of a storybook," Honea said, "but when she was passionate about something, she was really passionate, that's for sure."

Honea said she saw Perry on Wednesday and could tell she was "ready."

Deborah Berger, owner of the Stampin Post, remembers when Perry moved her business into the Old Jail Courtyard, which has become a sort of crafting community in itself. Berger said she became close to Perry, and the two would often go down the street to have Friday night drinks at Bailey's to commiserate about the day, giggle and laugh.

"She'd stop everything to talk to you, listen to you or to pray with you," Berger said. "People were drawn to her gentleness."

She said that affection for Perry continued through her deteriorating health.

"Everyone around here has given countless dollars," she said. "Someone donated the money for her car. She owed car payments and it was in jeopardy of being repossessed. Someone anonymously paid off the debt.

"It's really been a huge community effort. Everyone did what they could, when they could."

A knitting clatch

Besides selling yarn, the Crochet Cafe was a popular gathering place for knitters. With a seemingly endless supply of tea and cookies, Perry started her Tuesday night yarn club. By word of mouth, the small weekly gathering gained popularity and soon outgrew the confines of the small shop.

"Her shop has a soul," recalled Susan Long of Temecula, who was part of the knitting group that would gather at the Crochet Cafe. "We would knit outside when the store was closed."

Long recalled the first personal experience she shared with Perry. It was a conversation about a difficult medical situation that Long's husband was going through.

"That's when she told me that she had cancer," Long said. "She was able to connect with people on a personal level. She understood that sometimes the best thing you could do for someone was to listen."

Long said the sight of Perry's two teenage boys running a yarn shop while their mother was ill was also something she won't forget. She said Perry's younger son, Noah, took to the duties like a natural and was getting familiar with the name brands of yard and other knitting goods ---- not typical knowledge for a teenage boy to have.

Food, friends

When Perry wasn't at her home or her shop, she could often be found eating at one of Old Town's staple eateries.

Alissa Rauton, whose family owns the Swing Inn, recalled how when Perry began coming to the restaurant about a year and a half ago, she was "really quiet."

But as Perry and her sons kept up their daily tradition of eating at the restaurant, coming in for breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner in one day, the restaurant became an extension of the Perry family's home.

"This was their meeting place; this was their kitchen table. And we were fortunate enough to be a part of it," Rauton said.

She added that Perry would still come in while she was undergoing chemotherapy, though the visits were less frequent. The boys still came for a meal and to give updates on their mother's condition. They were fed like family, she said.

"I saw her two days ago to say goodbye and to tell her that I loved her," Rauton said Thursday. "In such a short period of time, she made such an impact on us.

'"She was angelic and she was a very beautiful person, despite a lot of tough things that she had gone through in her life. She was always curious about life and religion," said Rauton before stopping during her litany of descriptions.

"It's hard to put someone into a few words. We miss her."

Contact staff writer Nicole Sack at (951) 676-4315, Ext. 2616, or nsack@californian.com.