SHADES OF GRAY: Stave off depression with a hired pal

This article has been modified since its original posting.

| Monday, July 14, 2008 6:17 PM PDT ∞

Agnes Herman

Depression is defined in my 1959 edition of Webster's "New Collegiate" Dictionary as: "low state of mind, sadness, unpleasant emotion, inactivity, lower vitality."

Depression inevitably creates mood changes, affects physical function and damages social interaction. Today it is recognized as a disease whose treatable symptoms include pessimism, a sense of inadequacy, despondency and inactivity.

Sixty-five million Americans aged 65 and older are affected; only one in 10 is treated. Unfortunately, this leads to a disproportionate number of suicides among elder adults. Our age group accounts for 19 percent of all suicides in this country.

People have a hard time confronting the seriousness of their own depressed feelings. A member of my family who lives on the East Coast suffers from depression; inconsistent use of medication cannot alleviate her sadness. She does not have a companion or a friend to relate to regularly, she is alone and unwilling to "bother" her children. "I'll be OK!" That is her mantra. Depression does not go away in seven days like the common cold!

Senior Helpers is an agency dedicated to helping seniors who wish to remain at home despite recurring depression. Peter Ross, the CEO and co-founder of Senior Helpers, knows that for many, depression is simply the expected liability of aging. That is dead wrong! It does not have to be. Depression is a disease that snowballs out of control as episodes of depression increase.

The agency moved into its headquarters in Baltimore in 2002 and has functioned in California since 2005. Two hundred and twenty-two franchises exist in 35 states. They provide professionally trained individuals to be companions and personal caregivers ---- not nurses ---- to elderly women and men.

Stories abound about depressed seniors who returned to their former selves when their children introduced a companion, a friend: "the best medicine my dad ever had!" commented one woman. Another spoke of a companion hired through Senior Helpers, who accompanied her parent to favorite restaurants, movies, a little shopping; she was once again recognizable as "Mom." The daughter was freed to enjoy family celebrations and visits with her mother, without the duress and responsibility concerned with depression and daily chores.

In California, David Wallace is an owner of Senior Helpers in Hillcrest; his reach exceeds the boundaries of the city of San Diego, to the far corners of North County, inland and coastal. You might have seen him on the TV news on July 4. It was then that he emphasized the agency's work with and for veterans. Partnering with Veterans Express, Senior Helpers reaches out to vets and their spouses. If a member of the armed forces has served a minimum of 90 days, including one day in an active war, he/she is eligible for the help that Wallace's agency offers. For vets or a spouse, it is a free service. The object is to reach out to aging veterans, help them to continue to live at home, remain active and maintain dignity.

That word "dignity" is so vital to elderly comfort and self-esteem. Many years ago, I watched my rapidly aging father-in-law change from a silent, depressed gentleman to a confident companion when we persuaded his aide to call him "Mr. Herman" rather than "Herby!" The change was astonishing when his dignity was retrieved.

David Wallace, previously in the business world, was attracted to the service field when his grandmother, in her mid-seventies, lost her husband and moved across the country to California. As she faced loneliness, isolation and assorted physical changes, depression took over. Though she was physically well cared for, she had no companionship. When the family hired someone in that role, Grandma emerged slowly from her depression.

So many things trigger or awaken depression: living alone; some medications; surgery, amputation; heart attack; substance abuse; chronic pain; fear of death; recent bereavement; family history, family stress, and especially, lack of a supportive network. Once triggered, depression becomes daunting and debilitating.

The Senior Helpers agency accepts long term care or home care insurance. If you or someone you care for is having a hard time thinking clearly, is pessimistic and grumpy, enduring sleep problems and refuses to go outside, speak with the doctor, of course, and consider hiring a "friend."

Call (619) 287-3950 (coastal) and (858) 523-9170 (central, inland) for Senior Helpers for guidance.

Agnes Herman is a freelance writer at Lake San Marcos. Contact her at (760) 744-6878; e-mail: aggherman@sbcglobal.net.

CORRECTION: Phone numbers incorrect

In Sunday's Your Health section, a phone number in Agnes Herman's "Shades of Gray" column was incorrect. The phone numbers for the Senior Helpers program are (619) 287-3950 (coastal) and (858) 523-9170 (central, inland).

We apologize.

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