Hand in hand: So well remembered
By KENT DAVY - Editor | ∞
The minutes and hours eddied by, days swirled along, some as placid green glass, others as white froth. Months are gone, too, in roars, and others slipped by as flat and dark as the Missouri.
It will be a full year on Monday since my wife, Joel, died.
Her poor, cancer-riddled body no longer able to house her spirit here despite tears and prayers and the supplication of so many around her, she left.
Beforehand, we talked and I told her that Jess (our boy) and I would be all right, that she shouldn’t worry, that I would see her in a little while.
And now that the collection of “first year without” dates has slipped --- except for this one --- along time’s river, I know I spoke truth to her.
We are all right.
Our boy has graduated and returned home to look for work. The loss hasn’t shaken my faith. My newspaper job still holds my attention. I’ve not become a sour drunk, though I've tried a couple of times. Beauty still surrounds my world.
And I and we have not forgotten her and never will.
I continue to live in our house. We had an agreement, she and I, when we bought this place a dozen years ago or so: This would be the home we would live in until we died.
She made good her side of the bargain; I will make good mine.
Here, amid the jetsam of life, the stuff we accumulate as possessions to someday return to dust, there are so many things to savor.
Do you remember, particularly if you were a lit major in college, reading Proust? He explored the notion of scent triggering memory, sometimes images more vivid than dreams.
So true.
Sometimes, I stand in the hot shower, the water beating my back and reach for the half full bottle of Joel’s shampoo. As I lather it into my thinning scalp, the scent of Joel floods over me and I see her step into the room swaddled in terrycloth, her head wrapped Carmen Miranda style, her smile gracing my world.
I have tied a scarf that she would sometimes wear on the bedpost. On its edge, I have dabbed a touch of Halston, the perfume she preferred. Then, as I lie in the dark, I know that my love is still there on the other side of the bed softly sleeping, dreaming of Heaven.
But memories are just that and lives need new building.
There’s a fresh charm of finches feeding each morning in the yard. Hummingbirds are back from their central American travels.
A man learns to cook and clean and iron shirts and host a dinner party.
New friends appear --- “I know Joel would have enjoyed knowing you so much” or “you remind me of her, same pretty smile.”
The river of time moves on.
And so do we.
Kent Davy is the editor of the North County Times. Contact him at kdavy@nctimes.com or call (760) 740-5401.
More Stories
Advertisement
stephanie wrote on Jul 18, 2008 2:00 PM:Thanks for sharing so much in so few words -may God bless you for your perseverance.
lisa wrote on Jul 18, 2008 4:45 PM:wow that is a very beautiful written reality i am there ifeel you rfeeling you are not alone; all you r memories and feelings are real.. don't let them go or you will truly become miserable..
barb wrote on Jul 18, 2008 6:31 PM:This is a prime example of lonliness after a partner has left you alone, and no one else around to fill the void. So male and female should be considerate and loving and respect one another. Stop the bull crap and wnating too much of a bad thing. You never know when the Lord will rest your future days. Men that nagging caring woman is a blessing. The ones that usually do not care, does not care, and say little of nothing to cause you irritation. But that irration you call it, is many women ways of caring about you. When it is gone it is gone. I pray that this man find happiness before his days are gone for him and son. Thank God his son is there again. I know lonliness and verbal abuse and being around someone who does not care anymore, but I care and continue to care. He will feel it if I doe before him. This is so unnescessary. .... If you have someone that care or love you.
A debt to water.... wrote on Jul 19, 2008 8:41 AM:Your words, saturated with references to water, are poignant. Ever-changing, unable to hold (for long), soothing, cleansing, dangerous, yet required for life: Water & Love.
i remember wrote on Jul 19, 2008 10:18 AM:one of your last articles prior to joel making that journey to heaven...as my dad did on may 20, 2007. your article had touched my heart then for several reasons. my dad had cancer and your article reminded me of how much our family had gone through prior to his passing. but most of all it talked of the love that you & joel shared. the years, the tears, the joy and how you were then watching her in her final days. you are an awesome writer and i have been blessed to read of your love and the journey you & your family have taken since last year. God bless!
also wrote on Jul 19, 2008 12:05 PM:How lovely to grieve so blessedly. You have shown that losing a spouse or child can result in continued love not anger and revenge.
alejandro wrote on Jul 24, 2008 9:30 PM:sometimes we have to choose and define who we really are, and consider to do what our loved ones expecting us we do i know this wherever i go i know my loved ones always be with me and i with them, on the end only counts what we do keeping in mind to live like never before for those moments we know our loved ones will aprove.
Karen wrote on Oct 3, 2008 2:02 PM:What a lovely description of Joel, "her head wrapped Carmen Miranda style". She had such flair and loved us all so much and is greatly missed.
Advertisement