All in the Family

By: Bob Lankard -CTW Features | Wednesday, November 28, 2007 3:25 PM PST ∞

“What’s going on? My husband goes to work every day. Comes home his usual time. But today he gets this unemployment check in the mail,” said the confused caller. It seems her husband couldn’t get up the nerve to tell his wife he lost his job, so he pretended to go to work every day.

Losing a job is a traumatic experience to the worker. Unfortunately, this event also can be disruptive to the entire family.

Several years ago, local newspapers told of the disappearance of a Colorado family that had roots in western Pennsylvania. After a week, the man and his family showed up in the area wondering what all the fuss was about. A father had loaded his family into the car in the middle of the night and left their Colorado home without telling anyone and headed back to Pennsylvania. He said he had left town because he was afraid to face his neighbors because he had lost his job.

One man at the job center told me a story about his father: He worked 60 hours per week doing hard physical labor on the gas rigs. “When he got laid off he didn’t know what to do with himself, so he went to the bar. One night he came home drunk and fought with my mom. Later she woke me up and took me to a shelter. I never saw much of him after that,” the man told me.

Abuse is common when there is a big layoff, and it often is men taking out their frustrations on their family. Dislocated workers should get help before it gets to that point.

I was counseling with Donny, a recent high school dropout, at the job center. “My father lost his job when I was 10,” he said. “There were financial worries and lots of things we couldn’t afford. My back to school clothes that year was hand-me-downs from my cousin. Before that, I liked school.”

Not all layoff stories were tragic. Sam told me, “When I got the word about the layoff, I told my family that I was being downsized at work. Later my young son, Sam Jr., became quiet instead of the rambunctious little boy he was. About 10 days later, when I came home from work he asked “How’s come you aren’t any shorter?”

As a job counselor, I saw many ways that unemployment became destructive to family life. In other instances families pulled together in a time of crisis. Parents can be an example to their kids of how real people deal with a problem.

Here are some ways to come together involve the family in a positive way when you become unemployed:

Explain the Situation

The dislocated worker must communicate the consequences of the job loss with his or her family. All must face the facts that there will be changes, including financial hardships. Explain the situation to children using words they will understand. Kids tend to imagine the worst. Watch and listen to them to identify emotional problems.

Enlist Their Aid

It is not a solo battle. It is an opportunity for a family to start over again. The family can help as you plan your employment goals. A new career is one that requires input from everyone. It is not a time to make major lifestyle changes on your own.

Imagine the spouse of an unemployed Wall Street broker who suddenly announces, “We are moving to Pennsylvania. I just bought a big house in the middle of the Allegheny National Forest. We are going to make it into a bed and breakfast. I can be the manager and do maintenance. You can cook and do the cleaning.”

If you never had a family council, now is the time to start. The family needs to thrash out possible changes, such as relocating or opening a bed and breakfast. Everyone must be able to express concerns and make suggestions.

Recently, I attended a nursing-school graduation ceremony. The majority of those graduates were over 30. A layoff can mean a new direction. Each of those graduates had to have a lot of support to successfully complete a year of training. Family support is needed once a job-change decision is made.

Bob Lankard, a business columnist for the Indiana Gazette and former program manager at the state Job Center in Indiana, Pa., offers common-sense advice and innovative tactics to help all levels of job seekers satisfy their employment ambitions.

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