Don’t Let Control Become an Illusion

By: Judi Perkins -CTW Features | Tuesday, November 13, 2007 9:28 AM PST ∞

Here’s how a job search usually takes place: You decide to change jobs. You put together a résumé, which probably won’t be read by more than half of the interviewers because it’s not put together very well. You send it with a cover letter that regurgitates your résumé, talks all about you and doesn’t sell you very well, either.

You post it on job boards and mail it to companies advertising in the paper, and then you wait. Nothing much happens, and the clock keeps ticking.

So it’s no wonder most people are nervous about interviewing. Though they want the job, the majority arrives to an interview unprepared, yet they still hope they’re the one that is hired. And when nothing continues to happen, the frustration grows. There’s a feeling of helplessness, as if the decision is in everyone’s hands but yours.

And that’s where the supposition – and the danger – begins.

“Well the interviewer is from Buffalo, and I’m from Buffalo, so that might be a good thing. I didn’t like the city, so maybe she didn’t either.”

“I worked at Billion-Dollar Banking Corp., and he did too – although it was a while back and I was in a different department – but I bet he was as frustrated as I was. Everyone thought it was a horrible place to work.”

Suppositions are an attempt to feel in control when you don’t. You’re going on an interview, you’re nervous, you have no idea what to expect, so you try to pin some of it down.

The danger is because you’re making things up. You don’t know. And unless you ask questions, you could make a grave mistake based on your assumptions. Illusions and reality aren’t synonymous. “Duh,” you say, but millions of job seekers still confuse the two every day.

Have you ever caught yourself making a supposition? What was your reaction when it shattered?

Let’s take one of the above examples. You’re interviewing in Phoenix, and you assume the interviewer left Buffalo, because he didn’t like the winter.

Anticipating a shared viewpoint and an immediate camaraderie, you say. “Get tired of those mean Buffalo winters? I bet you like Phoenix much better,” you say.

“No,” he says. “Actually, my company transferred me down here. My wife’s and my immediate family are still in New York. I was raised there, and I miss the snow.”

You’re thrown off track. You were counting on the joviality you’d share from bashing harsh winters, and suddenly not only is that nonexistent, it’s not likely to develop. Now what? Do you recover and express sympathy for his position (while taking note of potential job transfers at this company)?

Do you try to make him agree with you by continuing to make negative comments because you’re seeking validation? Or do you shut your mouth and maybe – or maybe not – notice that you’re more nervous that you were when you sat down, simply because he didn’t agree with you?

People who buy into the illusion of control generally aren’t cognizant that they’re doing it. Consequently, this lack of awareness can perpetuate itself, and either one of the last two reactions, or something similar, takes place. And because the whole process passed quickly and unconsciously, all you know is something has gone amiss. You’ve already bombed the interview, and it hasn’t even begun.

The rest is courtesy, and if you come to your senses and recover your balance, you might have a chance to redeem yourself. On the other hand, if your reaction is the first one, you probably experienced an epiphany.

Pay attention to your thoughts. If you catch yourself making assumptive statements, recognize that you’re moving into a danger zone. If you’re hanging on to illusory beliefs, you’re not likely to make a sound decision because sound decisions are based on reality.

You’re already setting yourself up for a defensive interview position and the need to be approved of. And instead of participating in the interview to determine if you wanted to pursue it, you gave the power to the interviewer, hoping he’d like you and that would increase your chances of being hired.

Understand that it doesn’t put you in control at all, really. It’s an illusion of control that makes you feel better. What puts you in control is preparation based on facts about the company and yourself. Spend your time on that instead.

Judi Perkins, owner of Bethel, Conn.-based VisionQuest, has been a search consultant for 25 years. You can sign up for her free newsletter at www.FindThePerfectJob.com

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