NO - Say what you will about the Chargers, but whether it's a Junior Seau "retirement" party or the glitzy unveiling of redesigned uniforms, this franchise spares no expense when celebrating a non-event.

I can't wait for Ryan Leaf Appreciation Night.

There was a lot of fuss made this week about the Chargers' new threads, and as far as I can tell, the lightning bolts on the sleeves now go sideways instead of up and down. That, and the helmet has gone from mostly navy blue to mostly white.

Excuse me if I don't release doves and ignite fireworks over the changes, but all of this interests me about as much as pocket lint. It's worth noting that my fashion sensibilities consist mostly of trying to avoid wearing a striped tie with a striped shirt and the daily quest to find a matching pair of socks.

It reportedly took A.G. Spanos, the boss' kid, 18 months to come up with the new look. Somehow, during that same span, he dropped his golf handicap from an 18 to 7, toured most of Northern Europe and became such a whiz on the PlayStation version of Madden '06 that there are rumors he will be calling all of the Chargers' plays by the end of the season.

Kid Spanos' design does include a "new three-quarter collar" that, according to the Chargers, "is the first of its kind in the NFL." Any team that uses the new design must give the Chargers first- and third-round draft picks as compensation.

Nick Hardwick, the Chargers' 295-pound center, strolled the stage in his form-fitting ensemble during Wednesday's unveiling. So, in at least one way, I must concede to Ramblin' Mike that this was a big deal.

The event, held in the ballroom of the swank U.S. Grant Hotel, was likened by someone as -- I'm not making this up -- a historical moment rivaling the bombing of Pearl Harbor.

Which only proves people can say most anything when guzzling their fourth Cosmopolitan.

Ramblin' Mike loves that "CHARGERS" appears just below the neckline for, according to the team, "stronger branding." Ramblin' Mike is all about branding.

He also says he's geeked because the Chargers are using a new "stretch dazzle" fabric in their uniforms.

I say buy that man another Cosmopolitan.

Contact sports editor Loren Nelson at (760) 740-3551 or lnelson@nctimes.com.