If you are married or planning to be married to a military service member, you are likely to be female. You are also likely to find that "Married to the Military" by Meredith Leyva will do for you what "Our Bodies Ourselves" does for the female population at large: It provides a simple, accessible explanation of how the various parts of the military body work for family members, it defines a common language to communicate about those parts, and it offers guidance for prevention and treatment when one part or another is at risk of failing to serve as it should.
Want to know how to handle bi-annual relocations, cruise the bureaucracy of a very old and well-established male dominion, be a successful military spouse and still have your own career, maintain intimate and practical communications with a deployed spouse and parent, cope when your wounded warrior comes home?
Leyva answers all these questions and more with a wry sense of humor that manages to get the reader through such otherwise dry content as a lesson on the insignia of the various services; ranks (God forbid you should call the commanding general "Major"!); guidance on traversing the military pay and health care systems (you'll be prepared for the shock and awe of endless standardized forms ---- and worse, you'll understand them); and a list of "Really Stupid Acronyms and Jargon" from all of the services. Now you, too, can learn to follow the signs to the department store on any military installation, whether the Army's PX (Post Exchange), the Air Force's BX (Base Exchange), the Marine Corps' MCX (Marine Corps Exchange) or the Navy's Exchange.
Indeed, injecting a healthy dose of wit, clearly rooted in sometimes frustrating experience, Leyva has effectively updated her original 2003 edition of "Married to the Military." She has added six years of shared wisdom gleaned from a well-used Web site (CinCHouse.com), guidance on the intricacies of supporting a seriously wounded spouse or dealing with the death of a spouse, and legislative and policy changes that affect military families, active duty and retired.
CinCHouse.com, based on the military term commander in chief, began with Leyva's desire to connect with and learn from her military wife peers ---- the CinCs of their houses. The site has since developed into a rich clearinghouse of information and resources. It also hosts a seabag of discussion boards for just about any issue that arises in military life, perhaps the site's most valuable offering and a wonderful companion to the book.
But for people who still prefer to hold the things they read, "Married to the Military" distills the Web site's pragmatic content in a handy guide that is likely to be found in the hands of those patiently standing in the hurry-up-and-wait lines that plague the military. The book's content is presented with a well-organized, reader-friendly format that flows from an introduction to easily comprehensible details, with a personal anecdote or two thrown in, and concludes with simple bullet points outlining "The Least You Need to Know" to wade through Department of Defense bureaucracies without getting too mucked up.
The table of contents allows the reader to easily hunt and peck by topic, although, if new to the military, you'd be wise to read the book from cover to cover.
Despite plentiful opportunities, Leyva engages in little editorializing, although her description of spouses' second-class citizenry, illustrated by the use of the term "dependent," is a nice little poke at a culture that still seems to prefer unwed service members.
A few points in the book can be challenged. For example, contrary to Leyva's description of military health care, not all military hospitals are quick to adopt "the latest scientific knowledge and the best equipment" (or perhaps it is Tricare, the military's HMO, that is not quick to fund them?); but overall, the book is a gem.
In fact, although the publisher subtitled "Married to the Military" as "A Survival Guide for Military Wives, Girlfriends, and Women in Uniform," and the book's voice is surely female-centric, Leyva actually delivers seasoned advice that would be valuable to all spouses and service members with families, regardless of gender, particularly those who have more important things to do than get lost in a maze of bureaucracy on the way to the BX, PX, MCX or Exchange.
Kit-Bacon Gressitt, a writer and editor and the host of Fallbrook's monthly Writers Read open mic readings of poetry and prose, is married to a retired U.S. Marine. Contact her at kbgressitt@aol.com.
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"Married to the Military" Second Edition
Author: Meredith Leyva
Publisher: Simon & Schuster, 2009
Binding: Softcover
Pages: 211
Price: $14
