For many men -- particularly young ones -- the prospect of fatherhood is frightening.

"They say, 'I don't know if I can do this, dude,'" said Dave Bruer of Encinitas. "We have to educate them and show them that they can do it … The reward comes in seeing the children able to enjoy both parents and seeing men realize their potential as dads."

So he created a resource center to prepare and support men in their roles as fathers, the Fathers Resource Center in Encinitas.

As an unwed single father who had custody of his son, Bruer, 55, understood how difficult it was for any parent to raise a child on his own.

"I studied and educated myself, but I felt it all along that I wanted to be a dad and it was innate for me," he said. "We went everywhere together, and people would tell me all the time how fortunate I was."

Over the years, he said, he has met with countless men who wish they were a more important part of their children's lives but are somehow thwarted -- either because family courts are reluctant to grant more time to them or because they don't fight for their rights because they somehow lack confidence in their nurturing abilities.

"No one can ever tell me that a woman could do it better than me," Bruer said. "I wanted to be a dad, and I knew I could do it."

Custodial issues arose when Bruer's son, John-David, was about 3 years old. Bruer and his son's mother worked out an appropriate parenting arrangement. But during that sometimes difficult process, he said, he learned more about fathers' rights and responsibilities, especially the rights of noncustodial and unwed fathers.

Soon he became convinced there was a need to help support other fathers in family matters -- from paternity to domestic abuse, to custody and visitation.

According to a 1999 poll by the National Center for Fathering, a national research foundation created in 1990 by Dr. Ken Canfield, 72.2 percent of the United States population thinks fatherlessness is the most significant family or social problem facing America. The poll also found that an estimated 36.3 percent or 24.7 million children were not living with their biological father.

In 1991, he founded Fathers and Children Together, or FACT, in Illinois, where he was living at the time. He sponsored speakers to teach courses, offered a reading room with books and other materials, and went with clients to court to offer support. Soon, it became the Fathers Resource Center.

When Bruer and his son moved from Illinois in 1997, he brought the center to Encinitas.

The Resource Center continues to offer seminars, lectures and in-service programs to members with the aid of grants and fundraisers like the Menehune Surf Classic in Encinitas.

Peder Norby, executive director of the Downtown Encinitas Mainstreet Association, has worked with Bruer on some fundraising events.

"We've had the opportunity to work with Dave on numerous occasions and that relationship has been truly wonderful," Norby said. "I've not worked with him about fathers' rights, but I know that he is a passionate individual and he's not for fathers' rights at all costs."

Bruer said an extensive legal tradition depicts fathers as being not as nurturing or skilled as mothers are, particularly with young children. Many divorced fathers are also unfairly stereotyped as "deadbeat dads" who don't pay child support, he said.

"He's one of the harshest critics of deadbeat dads," said Norby, "and is first and foremost an advocate for children and shared parenting."

Half of the center's calls are from women, said Bruer. "They are noncustodial moms, paternal grandparents, or they are the girlfriends and wives of a dad."

Bruer seeks to dispel what he calls the myths of fatherhood.

"There are many myths," he said, "like they (fathers) only get custody when they have money or when the woman is an unfit mother. Why would a judge want to limit access to a good father? They turn you into a walking wallet: 'We'll let you see the kids every other weekend, but where is the money?" … You see it all the time in court. You -- man -- you have to take a parenting class. But it's her first time being a parent, too, and she doesn't have to take a class."

Bruer said he hopes his and the center's work just add some balance to the picture. "We all need to take care of our children, both emotionally and physically," he said. "A child has the right to both parents under appropriate situations."

Indeed, research has shown how important the role of a committed father is. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior compared with children who do not have involved fathers, according to the 1999 study from the National Center for Fathering. They also provide practical support and serve as models for their children's development.

And the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Survey on Child Health, done in 1993, has shown that fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school and more likely to be in trouble with the law.

At the heart of the matter, Bruer said, is the recognition of men as nurturers. "We have the same emotional capabilities as women when it comes to parenting," he said. "Gender does not the parent make."

Contact staff writer Ruth Marvin Webster at (760) 740-3527 or rwebster@nctimes.com.

Fathers Resource Center

1020 Second St., Suite A, Encinitas

(706) 634-DADS or (619) 702-DADS

www.fathersresourcecenter.org