I had dinner the other evening at a new high-end North County restaurant. My main course was more than $50. It was very good, but we are talking New York prices here. When paying that amount of money for my Tournedos Rossini, I expect stellar service. So when the waiter came to the table and referred to me and my dining companion as "you guys," I wanted to stuff his mouth with my very large napkin.

This brings me to this month's topic: The Don'ts of Restaurant Service.

1. Don't introduce yourself to diners. You are not my friend nor even an acquaintance. You are my server. If I want to know your name, I will ask. And please don't tell me you'll be my server. Why else would you be at the table?

2. Don't refer to customers as "guys." I know the term is used everywhere, but that doesn't make it appropriate. When you want to ask the customer something, just ask. For example, "Would you care to order a cocktail before dinner?"

3. Don't ever touch me. I don't want you to touch my shoulder, my arm or my hand. I don't know you.

4. Don't kneel at the table to speak to me. I am not a child. Stand up and speak clearly.

5. You don't need to come by the table every 10 minutes to find out if everything is all right. Learn to read your customers. People conducting business don't want to be interrupted. Couples on a romantic date don't want to be interrupted. People deep in conversation don't want to be interrupted. If you must interrupt, be as unobtrusive as possible.

6. Don't ever lie to a customer. If you don't know the answer to a customer's question, respond that you don't know, but you will be happy to find out the answer. Giving false information will get you in trouble every time.

7. If you work in a fine dining establishment, don't be condescending. Instead, make every customer feel comfortable. I have had more than one experience with sommeliers who think they know absolutely everything about wine. Well, they don't know me and my wine preferences. Because of the way I was treated by the wine steward at The French Laundry in the Napa Valley, I will never go back. People don't go to restaurants to be made to feel stupid. They go, for the most part, to enjoy the food and wine and be pampered. It is the server's job to create that kind of atmosphere.

I've learned a lot about restaurant service over the years. The most important thing: People simply like being treated well. Always remember, restaurants are in the customer-service business, and treating customers in a friendly, respectful and knowledgeable manner will not only increase your tips but bring you return customers. The very best compliment a server can have is a customer who asks to be seated at one of his or her tables.

- Pam Wischkaemper of Carlsbad is a restaurant consultant and publicist, former cooking school owner and food events planner. Contact her at pwisch@gmail.com.