You learn a lot about people and restaurants on the road. After a recent trip through New England, I can only hope that restaurant personnel treat visitors to San Diego as well as I was treated. Not only did I have some terrific food, but I was blown away by the friendliness and care I experienced by staff and management, from fine dining in Vermont to lobster in the rough in Maine.

The reason for my trip was a restaurant symposium held at the Equinox Resort in Manchester Center, Vt. Talk about bucolic; this was spring as described in travel magazines. The resort, known for its fine service, didn't

disappoint.

I'm a morning cafe latte drinker. If I can't have one, my day just isn't right. Unfortunately, coffee shops on every corner is not the case in New England. My first evening at dinner, I was seated next to the hotel general manager. I queried him about morning lattes. He assured me that just giving my request to a staff member in the morning would be sufficient. I ran into him the next morning. Smiling, he told me my latte would be delivered in five minutes. It was delivered every morning of the conference. This is service at its very best.

Cape Cod was the next stop. A chef friend and I took my 90-year-old mother to The Black Cat in Hyannis, Mass., for her birthday. From the manager on down, this restaurant knows how to treat customers. The wait person was patient and encouraging with an elderly woman who was hard of hearing. They remained gracious and friendly, praising their food and restaurant and totally unintimidated by the chef dining at the table. At the end of the meal, the manager came with discount cards for my mother, encouraging her to come back with her friends. I wonder if we could clone this management team?

Unfortunately, The Marshland in East Sandwich didn't quite make the grade. Knowing the latte issue, my chef friend and I purchased ours before going for breakfast. Our greeting was more a growl, as we were told to pour our lattes into restaurant paper cups. Granted, we probably shouldn't have taken our coffee into the restaurant, but we ordered expensive breakfasts and left a sizable tip. Whether what we did was right or wrong is not the issue. Do you think we will ever go back? And do you think tourists who are treated this way during the very important summer season will return? I don't think so. A different approach would have made all the difference. Remember, restaurants die without customers.

The upscale Rendez-Vous in Arlington, Mass., was the epitome of casual, friendly, attentive service that all high-end diners look for. The wait staff was knowledgeable; the wine service better than terrific. They had more

than enough suggestions for an allergy sufferer like me. They didn't interrupt the conversation of three old school chums to ask if everything was OK. It was a delightful evening.

The central coast of Maine was my last stop. On this leg I was on my own, which always presents dining problems. For some reason, restaurants treat women dining alone strangely. My first stop was the Broad Arrow Tavern at the Harraseeket Inn in Freeport. Yup, that's the home of L.L. Bean. The inn is right down the street. The owners are great proponents of local Maine product.

I noticed that they carried some locally made cheeses in the fine-dining room. I was desperate to try them, even though they weren't on the menu in the tavern, where I was. I asked the waiter to see if he could get me a sampler plate. Not only did I get a plate, but I got the chef, who came to the table raving about each cheese. Talk about going the extra mile and being proud of what you do.

I've spent most of this column writing about restaurant staff and how they can make a positive experience for every customer. But we diners can make a difference, too. At the Harraseeket Lobster Company in South Freeport, this was certainly the case. In search of a Maine lobster roll on a rainy, dreary evening, I happened upon this famous lobster-in-the-rough joint. The place was packed. One large group had pushed several smaller tables together. They were finished eating, but were enjoying their night out. The patriarch of the family, noticing the number of people waiting, pronounced, "Time to go. These folks need to sit down and enjoy their lobster." How many of us have ever done that in a crowded San Diego coastal restaurant?

My experiences on this trip make me want to go back. They also make me hope that this is the way our visitors to San Diego feel about us. Let's hope our restaurants treat our summer visitors better this year, and while we are at it, let's try to be better customers, too.

Pam Wischkaemper of Carlsbad is a restaurant consultant and publicist, former cooking school owner and food events planner. Contact her at pwisch@gmail.com. To comment, visit www.nctimes.com.