Somebody's keeping track of how many bagels I buy.

No kidding.

Last Saturday I was checking out of one of those supermarket that use those plastic discount cards. The lady behind the counter smiled brightly, and in a voice reminiscent of the flight attendant who scares the daylights out of you before the plane takes off by telling you your seat can be used as a flotation device when you and she both know you're flying over Nebraska, informed me that I had gotten one bagel free. She said since I had already bought a total of eight over a period of time, I got it automatically.

My question was, how did she know I had already bought eight?

Suddenly it became clear to me why those folks behind the register are called checkers.

But who or what is doing the actual counting? An image of an itty bitty guy hiding in the cash register with a clipboard flashed through my mind.

Hey, don't give me that look. I told you about my burgeoning paranoia, didn't I? Maybe no one is out to get me, but at least one somebody is keeping tabs on what I eat. More important, they are tracking my use of household items. How humiliating to find that strangers know I recently changed from single to two-ply toilet paper.

I politely asked the nice checker if she knew who was minding my business, and she said the cash register tells her when to reward me.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? If the phrase "rise of the machines" went through your mind, then yes, we're on the same wavelength..

Long before the assorted Terminators, long before the mind-tripping machinations of The Matrix, there was -- "Colossus: The Forbin Project."

Yes, it was a TV movie, made in 1969 ( a tip of the hat here to the Internet movie database.)

And just to give you an idea where I'm going with this, one of the film's taglines said, "We built a supercomputer with a mind of its own and now we must fight it for the world!"

First it's bagels, then the world …

Anyway, the movie's about a scientist who creates a supercomputer whose job is to lead the citizens of the world to peaceful coexistence. It soon comes to light that the Russians have a similar computer called Guardian, but, of course, ours is cooler, smarter, more devious and ultimately more sinister. It's called Colossus, and it secretly co-opts Guardian and begins to run the whole show. All attempts to destroy it or neutralize its power are terminated with extreme prejudice.

A second tagline said, "This is the dawning of the Age of Colossus (where peace is compulsory … freedom is forbidden … and Man's greatest invention could be Man's greatest mistake).

First it's bagels, then the world …

I know we're all surrendering certain freedoms lately in order to ensure the greater good. At least that's what I tell myself. But some of our freedoms are being eroded without our permission and somewhere, someone or something is collecting information on us, in most cases, for innocuous reasons. At least that's what I tell myself. Maybe it means nothing, maybe it means the end of something. Lately, that's what I tell myself.

One consolation for me is that my routine is so basic and uneventful that by now, if something is watching, it is grinding its teeth with boredom.

And next time I'm in the market, I think I'll buy both cheese and jalapeno bagels instead of plain or raisin -- just to confuse The Watcher. Or maybe I'll reclaim my right to privacy and not buy any at all.

First my bagels, then my world.

Contact staff writer Agnes Diggs at (760) 740-3511 or adiggs@nctimes.com.