1. Patriots (14-0): Brady thinks "I Am Legend" is about him.

2. Colts (12-2): Dungy more popular in Indy during December (17-8) than that jolly, fat guy.

3. Cowboys (13-2): "Yoko Romo" moniker for Jessica Simpson is right on.

4. Packers (12-2): Kampman is NFL's most underrated pass rusher.

5. Jaguars (10-4): No Pro Bowlers here - say what?

6. Steelers (10-5): Parker's injury is a thorn in postseason plans.

7. Seahawks (9-5): Alexander remains stuck on 99 TDs.

8. Chargers (9-5): Christmas Eve and the Donkeys in town - sounds like a manger scene to me.

9. Browns (9-5): Lewis rushed for 216 yards in last meeting with Cincy.

10. Buccaneers (9-5): Garcia will play winning tune against his old 49ers team.

11. Giants (9-5): Why do Eli and Co. remind me of the new flick "Alvin and the Chipmunks"?

12. Titans (8-6): Weird, but they have lost three straight to the Jets.

13. Vikings (8-6): Boss cheering for the Vikes so much, he'll need vocal cord surgery like Dick Vitale.

14. Bills (7-7): Injured Everett to make first return to Buffalo - that's a heartwarming Christmas story.

15. Redskins (7-7): 'Skins will try to stop Vikes' NFL-best running attack.

16. Saints (7-7): Stecker is sticking as a viable running back.

17. Texans (7-7): Don't laugh - Rosenfels is 3-0 as a starter.

18. Panthers (6-9): At least they get a trip to Tampa to end a disappointing season.

19. Eagles (6-8): If nothing else, they made Jessica Simpson pout.

20. Lions (6-8): Qualcomm Stadium is still being fumigated from Lions' visit.

21. Cardinals (6-8): That's nine straight years that the playoffs won't include the Cards.

22. Broncos: (6-8): Holiday cheer? Cutler was born in Santa Claus, Ind.

23. Bengals (5-9): With two to go, these cats haven't won two straight all year.

24. Bears (5-9): With Orton at QB, Bolts' Turner feels for brother Ron, the team's offensive coordinator.

25. Ravens (4-10): Billick losing Slick Rick Neuheisel to UCLA?

26. Raiders (4-10): Two weeks until season finale against Chargers.

27. Chiefs (4-10): Finished 2-6 at home and fans are fed up - other than that, how are things in K.C., Coach Edwards?

28. 49ers (4-10): The city with Nob Hill found a winner in QB Shaun Hill.

29. Jets (3-11): Have to contend with a White Christmas - Titans RB LenDale White.

30. Falcons (3-11): DB Lawyer Malloy should sue teammates for lack of support.

31. Rams (3-12): They retired Faulk's number, but should've suited him up in it instead.

32. Dolphins (1-13): With Parcells on board, don't expect Cameron to be a Tuna helper.