It seems no team is dead yet in the National League West. With less than a month left in the regular season, every game, every pitch, and every at-bat will count for the Padres and all the rest.

So will every heckle.

If baseball is our national pastime, maybe heckling should be our national anthem. It's our right as fans to let the world know that we want a pitcher and not a belly itcher. I long for the moment when someone screams to Barry Bonds, "This guy hasn't driven anybody home since the junior prom."

Does heckling actually work? Do comments about the girth of someone's mother get under the skin of athletes? Players are conditioned to ignore derogatory comments, but sometimes they can be difficult to ignore. I think we've seen enough highlight reels of athletes climbing into cheering sections to know the answer to that question.

So, knowing that Bruce Bochy's boys are in a battle to the end and could use some support from the 10th man, I present to you www.heckledepot.com, a Web site resource for all your heckling needs.

Cool stuff

+ The site has heckles for pitchers, batters, fielders, the bullpen, and so much more. Some personal favorites directed at umpires: "We know you're blind, we've seen your wife." "How'd you become an umpire? Flunk out of tollbooth school?" Classic stuff.

+ Probably the most frustrating thing about getting heckled is not have a quick comeback to put the heckler in his place. Not to worry, HeckleDepot.com has it covered. Heckle: "Hey, how's your wife and my kid?" Comeback: "The wife's great. The kid's retarded!" Ba-dum!

Check at the door

+ There's heckling in cricket? If baseball was derived from the English game, I guess that makes sense. But heckling seems more apple pie than afternoon tea.

+ There are great heckling links for golf, hoops and hockey, but I'd love to see one dedicated to heckling in the workplace. Here's one: "Hey Alex, see these shiny button-looking things? That's called a keyboard."

The grade

A simple site with one outcome in mind: Get under the guy's skin. Brilliance like that deserves four out of five mouses.

Marc Figueroa is supporting a movement to introduce heckling as an Olympic sport. Nobody cares about curling and fencing anyway. He can be reached at marcfig@aol.com.